I'm thinking about taking a break from writing my blog this summer. Feeling called to be away from screens and out in the dirt. Want to relieve the pressure I feel when I don't post for a week and give myself the freedom to not write.
And yet I'm also hoping that by not writing my blog, I'll finally take the time to read over what I've written about Elias (and Olive and Alaska and myself) over the last 9 years and start working towards a book. Or at least longer essays. Some way of making sense of all these different strands.
I feel the need to reflect on the past to remind myself that Elias's current oppositional behaviors equate to progress. I need to remember there was a time I worried he wouldn't be able to do anything on his own, talk, walk, breathe.
Elias telling me he doesn't ever ever ever EVER want to go to bed is actually a miracle in itself. Just hard to remember the whole miracle part (or is it science, or strength of will, or...) when he holds a fistful of his sister's hair.
The problem is I don't know if I'll be able to not write here, at Following Elias, because I will miss hearing from those of you who comment. I'll miss mining for words and getting feedback on what I find in the dark alleys of my mind. As well as the skylights.
I'll miss this community. I'll miss knowing you're all out there, all over the world, following along with my family.
So maybe I won't take the whole summer off, but I'm giving myself permission to stop posting for awhile.
I promise to write if any major life changes happen during our months of endless sun.
Until then, I'll be outside.
With love and respect for all,