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brooke3359516 wrote:
There's no worse feeling than watching your kid get left out. And trust me, they do it to able bodied (what kind of term is that?) kids as well.

Glad you had a fun break. Tell your parents to vaca in Southern California - it's closer to you and Andrew and there's more of you than them. ;-)
3/24/2008 1:42 PM CDT

Following Elias wrote:
I trip over the term too, Brooke, especially since my own body doesn't always feel so able. And you're right, it sucks no matter what to watch your kid get left out, and they all will at some point.

As to my parents, they're pretty set in their ways, so I think New Smyrna will be their beach get-away place, despite southern cal being a shorter flight for their kids. But maybe I'll start working on the idea, the same way my mom keeps working on me to move back east:)
3/24/2008 2:37 PM CDT

SaraSkates wrote:
I *so* get what you're saying.

how fabulous re 'yias though - that's really great. Back on your home stomping ground, it'll probably be easier to make sure he's better included - maybe not always, but often.

it is just heartbreaking though.

I had another "cool!" moment yesterday - one of those random interactions. Toby and I were leaving a big box store (Linens and Things I think), and an elderly woman was entering using a cane. She stopped for a minute and exclaimed "Hey, now we have something in common!" It was very cool - a total contrast to the usual avert-eyes and stare thing.
3/24/2008 3:25 PM CDT

phorst1075586 wrote:
Oh man. Hard, hard, hard. Especially coming on the heels of good, relaxing family time and a new milestone.

The number one rule in my classroom is "You can't say you can't play". That is, if someone asks to join the game, you have to make room for them. If I ruled the world, that would be the rule for everyone.
3/24/2008 4:13 PM CDT

Deidremz wrote:
Oh Honey, that just sucks. I don't have anything great to say, but I wish I could make those situations go away. I hope Elias kept his beautiful smile and his desire to play with kids today in school. Sending you both hugs and love. Happy birthday to Nick.
3/24/2008 9:59 PM CDT

Following Elias wrote:
D, I'll pass your birthday wishes along to Nick and a hug from you says it all. I plan on popping in at preschool tomorrow to see if he's showing more desire to play with the other kids...I'll keep you posted.

P, i love your classroom rule and wish it was written in red in every classroom everywhere. I vote for you for the next world ruler.

And Sara, I love that woman, thank you for sharing, and as always, for understanding. Your story reminded me of another incident at the end of our trip, when we landed at the Anchorage airport and Elias rolled straight for the "fat" escalator, all smiles, a man that he almost ran over, smiled at him, and at us, and in halting English said, "he's got light," as he held his hand near to Elias's head. After a long day he almost made me cry again--but the warm tears.
3/24/2008 11:20 PM CDT

Siddamom wrote:
That's heartbreaking, no way around it.

As a mom of older kids, I can say definitively that things are so much better, inclusion-wise than when I was a kid, so there IS progress, I swear it.

There is still pain, too.

I'm sorry.
3/25/2008 9:57 AM CDT

Following Elias wrote:
Thanks Siddamom. I know there has been huge gains since I was a kid. So I'm still hopeful, even with the heartbreak.
3/25/2008 11:26 AM CDT

Mehitabel wrote:
Oh, I remember this moment too--bringing my tiny little fresh out of the orphanage guy to the hospital for testing. . waiting in the play area and watching him be totally bewildered and bullied by a child 1/2 his age but much larger and stronger. Doesn't it break your heart.
But wanting to play with, and not alongside--that's beautiful and surely he can fulfill his newfound desire at his school? It's always sounded like he's one of the crew there.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you both settling back in after vacation...
3/25/2008 3:08 PM CDT

catfitz wrote:
sad. xxx cat
3/25/2008 5:44 PM CDT

Following Elias wrote:
Miss you Cat!

And mehitable, thanks for sharing your story--I imagine that your heart broke a little too in that moment. Elias does seem to be accepted at school even if during my observations he plays near the kids and not really with them. We have a parent/teacher conference on Thursday so I'll be asking about progress in this area. Oh if only I could be a fly on the wall...
3/25/2008 11:30 PM CDT

Nelba wrote:
This vulnerability on behalf of my kids is what i hate most about parenthood. I'm not sure if this will make you feel better or worse. But Marco also aproached some strange kids this weekend and asked to play.(Also for the first time.) They were much older, related to each other and spoke English - which Marco understands but is not fluent in. So, they weren't all that keen. He tagged along and at one point they all ran away from him. His reaction: "Wow Mama, I really enjoyed playing with those kids."

I guess it's one little victory at a time. Starting with wanting to be included. Maybe next time there won't be a little missy around to influence the others and he'll play along.
3/27/2008 8:26 AM CDT

Niksmother wrote:
Finally catching up on blog reading after Nik & I were both sick all week. :-(

The milestones often seem to come in odd packaging, I find. But I have the utmost faith in these things about Elias:
1. His sunny disposition - he may feel the sting sometimes but I think he lets it go quickly;
2. His fierce determination - this will fuel him to find the ways to be heard, seen, included.

Sorry he didn't get to play with those other kids; they missed out.
3/27/2008 9:18 PM CDT

Following Elias wrote:
Niksmother--thank you for your faith and for your accurate description of Elias's strengths, a needed reminder on these days of filling out paperwork to describe all that he can't do.

And Nelba I needed your story about Marco b/c the truth is in the airport the pain was all mine, Elias didn't seem at all fazed by the lack of inclusion and when I walked in to help him up on the tunnel he bounced and smiled and felt so proud to be up on the tippy top regardless of where the other kids were... So Nelba, your story made me feel much better on Elias's behalf. Thank you for taking a moment to share:)
3/28/2008 10:52 AM CDT

ColbyCo wrote:
Sad. XXOO. Hope all is going well with you after the trip.
3/30/2008 5:35 PM CDT

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