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10/19/2011

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I too lost a daughter 15 years ago and people are often surprised that I talk about her freely (sometimes causing others to give me the "What?", then I remember that they didn't know...)
I feel like I can because although I miss her everyday and I wonder what we'd be like now, I also know I was given a gift. I got to know, really know, this awesome little person who taught me so much--mostly about myself. I didn't know I could do what I did. I didn't know I could have a baby while not married and survive the shame I felt, I didn't know my family would love us no matter what, I didn't know I could work and go to college and graduate so I could provide the best for her, I didn't know I could buy a house all on my own--now I do know. All that from a 2 year old. Girl's got power and I will always be grateful.

I had already read the dragon mom piece. it is extraordinary. The rest of her blog entries are too. It certainly gives one some perspective, she is one brave woman and oh my can she write well too.

Thank you so much for passing the Dragon Mom piece along. Convicted in my afternoon as I am consumed in my child's future. I remember those 'living in the moment' times when we were in the NICU and how full I could feel in such an empty time. I appreciate this reminder so much because the 'how is she going to...' devours me somedays and just spits out an ignorance of the sweet now.

sigh. . . miss you. . .

feel better soon! xo

My Nana passed away last summer at 98 years old but lost a child when he was just 2. He drowned in a fish pond. She said she thought of him every day and was never the same after the accident. I try to understand it all now that I am a mother. I try to walk in her shoes....try to understand her advice, her words....She is gone now and I still try and understand what that loss felt like for her. I am at a loss. It is too hard to go there because the pain seems so unsurmountable. I am in awe of those that love and learn and move forward. they are soooooooooooooo strong. wow. so many powerful women walk among us. men too. I didn't mean to leave them out!

Flem, I wonder if it is different losing a child from an accident and losing one to a chronic illness...? I obviously can't speak to either but having time to prepare for a loss feels different to me than an unexpected death. Both tragic, but different. I think.

Shelley, thank you for sharing your story and the strength you learned from loving your little girl. I'm glad you can talk about her, even if it makes others pause. We, as a culture, do not do death well, and well, we all have a lot to learn b/c it is inevitable for us all. I think we are especially inept at talking about the death of children, which only further marginalizes those parents who have experienced this loss. I'm touched by your words.

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