My latest challenge: to read through two years of posts from my blog at Parents.com, and from the over 300 published, choose a mere 15 to republish here.
15 posts. That's all.
And I'm pregnant and emotional, I know, but it makes me sad that Parents won't relinquish their rights to my material and they don't plan on keeping the old posts up on their site. Just ownership for ownership sake.
Gone. Two years of work that I won't even be able to link to because they plan on taking the blogs down at the end of the month. And though I figured out how to copy and paste all my posts onto a 1,000 plus page (b/c of the size of the pictures) cumbersome word document to share with Elias someday, I'll lose all your comments.
And this too makes me sad, as blogging is beyond writing an article but about building a community of readers--readers who give back with their own words of wisdom, strength, compassion, and humor.
But a contract is a contract and I'm the one who signed it, excited about the much needed paycheck to help with our bills, honored to receive good money for writing three posts a week from the comfort of my home, on the one subject I know best: navigating this unexpected life of ours. Or following Elias wherever he leads. So its a bitter pill to swallow but I penned my name on the line.
One of my fellow bloggers from Parents, Bree former author of Parental Discretion Advised, wrote a great post about this transition on her personal site, that explains more of the details of our contracts and how it is that we do not own our words. She also gave me sound advice via email for my 15 Post Challenge: to choose the ones that would not necessarily benefit from hindsight, as I can retell any of the stories in new words, so to select those post that "perfectly encapsulate" my feelings, or where the wording seems just right.
So I have some reading ahead of me. And decisions to make.
Good thing I'm soooo level-headed right now, as I teeter on the edge of the third trimester, with buckets of tears just waiting for the smallest of signals to release.
Yeah, that and I write from the house of the recovering sick, Elias and Nick both survivors of early seasonal crud (Elias still coughing but much more energetic today)--Olive and I wavering on the brink but somehow holding onto to the strands of health that have carried us this far, farther than we've ever been.
In case you missed that earlier reference to the third trimester, I'll be 28 weeks on Monday and I'm still upright.
Can I say that again? 28 weeks and I'm still upright.
But if you don't hear from me for a bit, I'm lost in my archives-- though my guess is I'll need to resurface here for air. If you have any suggestions feel free to share.
I did send one last plea to Parents, asking them to reconsider keeping the blogs on an archive site b/c if its a decision based purely on numbers it wouldn't hurt them to get a few extra hits from time to time when us former bloggers linked to older posts.
And finally, I just want to give a shout out to the folks at CafeMom, formerly ClubMom, where this blog began, and thank them for deciding to give me the rights to my work when they ended our contracts.
Thank you for understanding the need, as a parent, for me to reclaim Elias's stories and to own my process, the missteps and leaps, of becoming his mother.
I guess I just assumed Parents.com would do the same.
Just remember that the story is always truly yours, and that you can save it for Elias is the most important piece. My thought on this - you are MEANT to write your new story and incorporate Elias's story into it, as it is all becoming one now anyway, right? Save those words for Elias, but write 'em fresh for your family of four. It is kind of like you are starting kindergarten, uncharted territory, a new an exciting homework assignment ahead of you.
xoxo, and miss you tons, Anno
Posted by: Anno | 09/20/2009 at 04:33 AM
are you able to print the pages with the comments? at least that way you and elias would at least have a paper copy of all of it, even if new readers couldn't read the links and what others have written, it's not really about the readers really, but about 1 particular reader who should be able to see how many people were rooting for him and how amazing he is every day!
xo
nurse tara
Posted by: tara | 09/20/2009 at 05:15 AM
F that! Sorry I just think this is really ridiculous. I feel awful for you Christy, these were your stories, Elias's stories, your family history and should belong to you, despite legal contracts and all that other crazy nonsense.
I emailed folks at work that have kids and gave them a quick 411 about this and encouraged them to cancel their subscriptions to Parents. Any "parenting" group that invites parents to tell their stories, their bare, honest, heartfelt stories and then yanks two years worth of work really isn't a company/magazine that is working in the best interest of parents.
15, really just 15, that's not even one post per month. I guess you want milestones, but it's also the small moments that also matter. How do you balance the really exciting moments with the harder moments, the times where you're down and trying to get back up? Those are all equal in your history. Maybe that's a good job for non-pregnancy hormonal Nick. How would he tell the story, what would he choose, what are his favorite pieces?
I guess outrage doesn't really solve your problem. I was serious about cutting and pasting, just let me know if you want me to go through and start a really long word document!
God Christy, that just sucks.
But.
28 weeks! 28 weeks! Third trimester!
D
Posted by: deidre | 09/20/2009 at 05:32 AM
I've been out of touch, having lost a computer a while back then going through my own "head in the sand" period. I'm so glad I found your new site and sad now that I won't be able to read some of the (newer) older posts on the parents.com site. THAT BITES!
But 28 weeks...THAT is a beautiful thing. I wish you continued good health and gestation! :-)
Also, I like Deidre's thoughts about having Nick help you choose the 15...or at least giving some input.
Glad to have found you, Nick and Elias again. And looking forward to Olive's arrival SEVERAL months from now!
Posted by: Niksmom | 09/20/2009 at 07:42 AM
So sorry you have to pick 15 out of so many posts. It's horrible to lose that history. Good luck in your choices and hope you can find a way to maybe copy a few more!
Posted by: Bren | 09/20/2009 at 08:59 AM
I think that's incredibly unfair - and I agree definitely that it's not particularly clever of them to yank your posts anyway. Lots of people would find your old posts very valuable if they were to find them in some sort of archives. I am not in the US, so doubt any email I might write could have any effect, but would be happy to pen something to the website managers to suggest they reconsider - maybe a mass of voices would help????
YAY on reaching the third trimester. I have a really good feeling that little Olive is staying snug in there all the way!!!
As for choosing 15 of your posts....if it were me, I would be reading through the archives and taking note of the posts that most resonate even now as being a 'turning point' in Elias's journey. I agree with others that it'd be great for Nick to do the same. Then see if any that you've chosen are a match....whittle it down that way!
And re the comments: surely they can't possibly 'belong' to Parents???? I certainly didn't sign a contract handing over the rights to my words (unless it's in the very small print of membership!).
For a website/mag that is aiming to market itself as family friendly, their behaviour is the least family friendly I could imagine ;-(.
Despite all this, enjoy entering this third trimester!!! A very exciting time.
Dianne
xo
Posted by: Dianne | 09/20/2009 at 01:30 PM
So sad that you only get 15 post, but your story lives on in your heart, in every fiber of Elias' being and in all of your hearts and minds as well. That story though somewhat lost will not be forgotten. I will ALWAYS remembering seeing Elias walk with canes for the first time (and then later without them at all!), I will always remember you telling us you were PG with Olive (and sadly with the bean you lost), I will remember all of the ups and downs and so will you and Elias and Nick and ALL of the readers. A story is stronger then what you can save on paper,links and a word file. It is as strong as it's voice and how that voice resonates and remains with people.
Oh and 28 weeks!!!!! You rock! Yay!
Posted by: Jessica | 09/20/2009 at 05:07 PM
I think it is terrible that Parents is robbing you of YOUR history and that they have exhibited their complete lack of conscience this way.
Yay for 28 weeks though -- I'm so excited for you all! (and so glad to hear also that Nick and Elias are getting better and that you are resisting this bug!)
Posted by: JenniferB | 09/20/2009 at 06:05 PM
Thanks for the links, Christy. I'm disappointed in Parents, too. Hopefully they will take this in-between time to re-evaluate how they work with future bloggers.
Also, I didn't know the plan was to take them down by the end of this month. That makes me sad.
One final helpful hint: As I wrote my posts, any photos I used I saved in a separate Parents folder so I knew which ones were used specifically for that blog. As you go through entries, you may want to do that so the files aren't stuck in a Word document.
Good luck choosing your top 15!
Posted by: Frema | 09/21/2009 at 06:33 AM
Ugh, that is so frustrating! Let me know if you need any help printing them out. Save everything -- things change. xo
Posted by: elizabeth | 09/21/2009 at 08:11 AM
Terrible that you have to choose only 15 posts out of so many! Here's hoping there will be some redeeming value for you in that process... that it won't all be an exercise in frustration.
I agree with others that your stories will live on in your readers' minds... as well as in our actions and our expanded understanding of special needs. Thanks for sharing! There'll be lots of good out of your writing -- some of which you'll probably never even realize. That's one special thing about writing: it resonates with people and they respond within their own relationships, and pass along special bits to others who may also benefit.
My suggestion for choosing the posts to save: some or all could be ones that strike you as "Wow! That's good writing! It conveys just what I was thinking." That's how I choose my favorites of the pieces I write.
Posted by: Linda in Oregon | 09/21/2009 at 06:34 PM
Thank you all!!!
Your comments really do help during this frustrating transition. Thank you for your rage, your offers to help, you ability to see the bright side, and your belief in the power of Elias's story to reach beyond the printed words.
I just left another message with Parents, truthfully I want to speak to someone who is actually making these decisions--and not the poor young woman who is just filling in to wrap things up-- so they can at the very least explain their thinking. We'll see what happens.
As for cut and paste offers I do have everything, except the comments, on a HUGE word document and I did ask in my latest email for all the content as a keepsake for my family. Though that was Thursday and I havent even heard a peep back yet. Thus the phone message.
Ok back to reading with me...
Oh, and I like the idea of Nick reading them and when i suggested it to him, Cuzuncle David who was visiting said, "That's like responding to a woman's question: Do i look fat in this dress? You can't win." Nick agreed that I'd want to know why he did or didn't pick certain posts and I think for me as hard as it will be I need to decide. And since I'm not getting full rights of these posts just one time rights to publish them here, I will look for ones that either need to have been written exactly as they are or tell pieces of our story that would be helpful to new readers or ones i just really like, even if they are painful.
I made the mistake yesterday of reading six months or more without keeping a written list, just thinking I'd remember, and of course I now have no idea which ones I like. Back to the grind...
Posted by: Christy | 09/22/2009 at 09:08 AM
Dear Christy, I'm sorry to hear about the contract with Parents.com. I just wanted to tell you that I enjoyed reading your posts very much. I've been following Elias through your writing and it had both made smile and cry. In the other hand, I'm so excited for you and for baby Olive. WOW! Third Semester, the day is getting closer.
Much love,
Auntie Silvi
Posted by: Silvana Jordan | 09/23/2009 at 09:13 PM