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Woosh! Right in the gut, Christy. This made me cry and ache for you, for me and my own memories. Wishing you peace. And a house large enough to hold all the new memories you will make without threatening to squeeze out the old ones.

Your house looks so warm and cozy! I can see why the buyers snatched it right up.

I hope your next home sees just as much happiness without all the stress and sorrow.

I think you're the one carrying pretty heavy loads at the moment - not unlike the trains. The key being that you're still carrying - and moving - and growing - and living and laughing and loving and writing. These new transitions are hard (all of them) but also bring good with them - like Elias weathering the changes of becoming a big brother (and reveling in the gifts he's had that his sister never will - the gift of his family for the last 5 years) - I know you'll weather yours.

Best wishes as you weather these last weeks of pregnancy - last *weeks* - wowza!

new beginnings deserve a new spot with more room to grow. I still miss the farmhouse I brought my 3 babies home to. I think we always long to hold onto the past and luckily you have all your writing and pictures and memories. It will be enough. It has to be enough.

I always wondered why they put the NICU in a place where parents have to walk past big pg women and big babies. It is like they don't think. They do the same thing with people having D&Cs. After my second miscarriage I had to have a D&C. They did it in the maternity ward and after they wheeled me right past teh NEWBORN nursery!!! I can't imagine what made them think that was a good idea!!!

I am so moved by this -- I remember being heartbroken when I had my hysterectomy (I didn't want it, but I had to have it) and was in the last room on the hall with newborns. I could hear them crying, people singing lullabies and my nurse's aide kept calling me "mommy". I finally screamed at her to go away and never come back. I don't know how you handled yourself so well, so strong. I am in awe. And continue to pray for you, Nick, Elias and Olive.

as long as you're together, you're home. xo

Just checking in from Zurich. Your new house will become home too, because the four of you will be in it. And the memories of your old house will be previous and present.
I have a wretched cold, maybe a flu, and checking in with you put a big smile on my face! Now I have to ull myself together to get to work....

Not yet 5:00 am and I'm awake again. We found a house we really like so now begins the process of being nervous about both ends..but thanks all for reminding me that home is wherever my family is and that our memories will travel with us.

Jennifer, I think screaming at the aid who called you Mommy in this situation is being strong for yourself, as Jessica wrote i think hospitals don't always think about the improper placement of areas and patients...I mean wheeling someone who just had a D&C past the nursery!!!! I'm sorry Jessica but that was just plain cruel. As is having you Jennifer in the hallway with the newborns, listening to lullabies !! Ugh. I remember sitting in my OB's office after my D&C with a pregnant mom and a mom with a newborn and feeling as if I wanted to scream.,,but at least in that situation I anticipated this discomfort ahead of time.

Sara, thank you for sharing this idea that Elias had the gift of five years with us alone, something Olive wont have, I think it will be a helpful reminder along the way.

Danielle, hope its not the flu and that you feel better soon:)

Christy, your posts always move me. This one particulary had me in tears, it's a shame so many women share the grief of dealing with spending time in a hospital where you feel broken while others are "normal". I actually brought this up to my doctors--why isn't there a special place for people like me? Of course there was no answer--maybe someday. I have to admit now I'm curious about a day in your life before kids--no running water and an outhouse!?! Do tell! Hope you are having a good day and all is well!

An OUTHOUSE in the Alaskan winter? No running water? I'm sure that makes a wonderful story. Do tell. Of course, we should all get used to weaning ourselves a little... I'm sure when Olive arrives, amid packing and moving, you will have less time to write... and I am hoping that when Olive is ready ( fingers crossed for at least 4 more weeks) your insomnia wanes and you will be sleeping instead of typing.

I'll write about our first home in the cabin someday soon. Its how we weathered our almost two-year engagement, knowing that if we could live in a 10 by 13 foot cabin through an Alaskan winter we could do anything together:) And then of course our crash-course into high-stress parenting months after saying "I do" put us into a whole new level of engagement.

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