I sit in the same rocking chair I held Elias in during countless sleepless nights, holding his baby sister Olive. I'm typing with one hand and the computer screen still hurts my head but I wanted to say hello, let you know I'm alive and though not yet well, I exist in a ominous cloud of euphoria and exhaustion.
She made it. Full term. Beautiful. And Healthy.
I've never felt so weak, standing up for more than fifteen minutes makes my head spin, but I sit here with this nursing seven pound baby and it is all worth it. The image of the mother pleading, 'Take me not my child," holds true. I'm so relieved that it was me who lay in the hospital, hooked up to monitors, oxygen, and an I.V. and not my little Olive.
I'll write the full story of her birth when I feel stronger, the writer in me has been struggling with my inability to compose, not jut to share with all of you but for my own need to makes sense of it all. Its what I do. Write to understand. But losing almost half my blood has left me in this strange haze with no metal clarity or physical strength.
In short, the pitocin caused both uteri to contract, and after the c-section (as it turned out the only anatomical way for Olive to come out as my right cervix curved at the end like a hockey stick) as I lay in the recovery room, my left uterus "gave birth" to nine months of built up blood and tissue, believing it was pregnant too. For a couple hours I bled as Nick and Olivia cuddled on the couch in another room.
There's more to the story, but I wanted to at least explain the blood-loss, before Olivia and my throbbing head pull me from the computer. Back to bed.
But before I go I need to say, I am beyond grateful for Nick's love and for the support of my family and friends, without whom I'd be lost. For all of you, for your prayers and healing thoughts and words, all of which have been read to me by Nick or my mom.
And Elias, oh my little Elias, who seems to have grown years in the past week, how I miss him. He does not like seeing his Mama like this, and has thankfully been surrounded by doting grandparents who continue to amaze me with their ability to be five again and to fill his days with imaginative play, structure, and that oh so holy word love.
Love to all of you,
Christy
Isn't it amazing how your "little boy" suddenly looked so massive when you brought his baby sister home? Rest, recover and know that the image of your wonderful family brings smiles to my life.
Posted by: heather | 12/26/2009 at 01:13 PM
So good to see your words, Christy. Even through your exhaustion, I feel your spirit. I cannot wait to talk once you gain some more strength. It is so wonderful to know that you are surrounded by such love and support, and that you brought your healthy baby girl into this world. Knowing how strong you are, I am sure you will amaze the doctors once again by healing quickly. But tkae this time and just focus on you, on your beautiful family, and on the precious newborn moments. Love you so much and thinking of you all of the time. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas - please send hugs to everyone out there! xoxo, Anno
Posted by: Anno | 12/26/2009 at 01:41 PM
Christy and the whole family,
Take time to heal well. We "doers" seem to not take time for our bodies to heal like everyone else. There are many people in your home to do the things that need to be done. You just accept their love.
Thanks for the update. I thought about you that whole day. Isn't the body amazing, doing what it does?
My thoughts are with all of you and we will hear from you down the road when you feel better. Love, Valerie
Posted by: valerie | 12/26/2009 at 02:14 PM
Oh Christy- what a love you are to take the time to fill us in on your incredible ordeal. Please- just heal- we will all be there for you when you are once again your old self full of energy. You are so blessed to have a wonderful loving husband, fabulous parents and in-laws and extended family plus a delightful son in Elias and your darling new Olivia.(I will eventually say Olive- I just keep seeing Popeye's lady when I say it and she is not that right now, thank goodness. Meaning she is round not tall and lean!)I still cannot believe you and Nick are tackling moving on top of all of this- plus renovating at the same time- thank goodness for your extended family. Lots of love, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year.
Posted by: Noel Dennehy | 12/26/2009 at 03:06 PM
Christy, thank you for the update! I have been keeping you close in my thoughts. My wish for you is time to rest and recover. Small things that tug at you can wait. Just enjoy holding that baby and watching the big brother play with loving family. Warm Wishes from Oregon coming your way!
Posted by: jill | 12/26/2009 at 03:50 PM
Rest. Heal. Let time do its work. The words will come when it's time and when you're stronger. Know there are so many of us out here praying for you, thinking of you, sending healing thoughts. We're not going away unless you close up shop for good! ;-) We can wait.
Posted by: Niksmom | 12/26/2009 at 04:30 PM
Many prayers for God to heal you quickly and for a speedy recovery! Blessings,
Emily
Posted by: Emily Judson (street_musician) | 12/26/2009 at 04:54 PM
Glad to know you're both doing ok! Take care of yourself, and congratulations again on your new, beautiful daughter.
Posted by: EA | 12/26/2009 at 04:55 PM
Glad to know that you're recovering...but please know that the internet folks, we will wait to find out the rest. Please rest, heal. If I may play "mom" for a minute...eat well, lots of spinach, broccoli, kale and some red meat. Drink more water than you think you want.
Blood loss is hard to recover from quickly, so take your time..sleep and sleep and sleep. Nursing a baby while recovering from blood loss? Please take care of yourself! I'm glad you've got parentals there to help and to make sure you don't over do!
(Nick...you rest, too!)
Posted by: paige | 12/26/2009 at 05:04 PM
So glad to hear you are on the road to recovery. That must have been very scary for everybody.
Posted by: susanna eve | 12/26/2009 at 05:58 PM
Oh dear sweet Christy, hopefully you're not reading this and you're simply recovering. But if you are, I'm so glad you are both okay, but so sorry that you have had such a hard experience. I was hoping and praying that this would be your easy birth, the birth you dreamed of. I know the end result is what counts but just know that I'm sending you healing thoughts both physically to recover and emotionally since I'm sure this was scary for everyone involved. I'm so glad you're surrounded by love, family, friends and dear wonderful Nick. You constantly amaze me. Both of your children are so blessed to have a mom that fights tooth and nail to bring them into the world, giving every ounce of herself for them. Take time to heal. All the love in the universe. D
Posted by: Deidre | 12/26/2009 at 07:12 PM
Take it easy, enjoy having so many hands around to help. In fact, revel in it as long as you can. Look pitiful, maybe moan a bit, see if you can get them to extend their stay. Eat lots of awesome fattening food, and plenty of chocolate for good measure. Then continue to look pitiful so you don't have to lift a finger. Sue, if you're reading this to Christy, big hello from all the Donahoes in SF. :-D
Posted by: Brooke | 12/26/2009 at 08:29 PM
I'm so glad you're healing and have family around to help out with everything. You've been in my prayers and will continue to be as well. Keep comfortable and rested. The rest will fall into place in time. I'm so glad baby Olive is finally here and you're both home together!
Posted by: Jacqueline | 12/26/2009 at 10:01 PM
It makes total sense that both uteri decided to contract! How amazing your body is and now you get a new baby and a whole new red blood cell count! Think of it as a fresh start! With 2010 around the corner, your birthday and now a new baby in your arms, it seems that you are all about fresh starts...and you haven't even moved yet! 2010 will be an exciting year. Remember to take it ONE day at a a time. I am always trying to tell myself that too. XoX.
Posted by: fleming | 12/27/2009 at 03:53 AM
I wish you a speedy recovery and my familys and churchs prayers have been with you and your family. You did it- you have a full term healthy baby that you deserve. Get better so you and Elias can get back to playing. Good luck.
Posted by: Kaydomsky | 12/27/2009 at 05:59 AM
I'm so sorry for the trauma you have been going through physically, but I am so happy for you that your sweet girl is safe and healthy and that you are on the mend. I'm praying for your complete recovery!
Posted by: JenniferB | 12/27/2009 at 06:35 AM
Thanks for the latest post. Now go back to resting and healing; let Jol and Sue do the work. We are thinking of you and hoping for a quick recovery. Steak, chocolate, and beer (for fluids)!
Posted by: Robin O. | 12/27/2009 at 02:04 PM
Good thoughts for a speedy recovery. Rest every minute that you can. Know that Elias and Olive's grandparents are really happy to give you all the help they can.
(I might drink water instead of beer, but I'm a huge believer in the healing powers of steak and good chocolate!)
Posted by: Barbara | 12/27/2009 at 02:35 PM
Oh, Christy! This sounds horribly scary. I'm not sure I will read it when you are able to write it all out. Your poor husband and mother! (your father,too.....and your in-laws, and well, EVERYBODY!) They could have lost you! I didn't mention Elias because he was not experiencing the terror that your family must have felt.
All's well that ends well, I suppose, but I'm sure this has been a frightening experience. Why is it you must always have fright when you give birth? : )
Anyway, I'll bet it will be a few months before you feel 100%. We're all big girls here....we can wait until you are physically able to write your story.
Vicki
Posted by: Vicki | 12/27/2009 at 03:08 PM
So glad you are recovering and that you are holding Olivia and that you spent your Christmas as a family of 4 with your extended family helping out. So glad you go here. Just shows you that all things are possible.
(((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))00
Posted by: Jessica | 12/27/2009 at 06:08 PM
So glad to see you "back". But I agree with everyone else...take it easy and don't worry about the blog. We'll be here when you're up to it. :)
Congrats on Olive's healthy arrival!
Posted by: DiVaughn | 12/27/2009 at 06:25 PM
Wow! You are so strong... think of how strong you were to grow 2 uteri-worth of tissue and blood in the early days of the pregnancy. I can't imagine such a first trimester! Take as much time as you can to nurture yourself and get back to your old strength. Eat lots of ... moose meat? Or something iron rich! And enjoy that baby!
Posted by: Gina | 12/27/2009 at 07:09 PM
Thank you for the update. Glad to know everyone is on the road to recovery and creating a new normal for your family of 4! Love and peace to you and the rest of the crew!
Posted by: Shelley | 12/28/2009 at 08:36 AM
Hi Christy,
We sure have been thinking about you. I know that the post birth time can be very rock and rolling with all of the hormonal changes and recovery required. It sounds like you are doing great considering all that you have been through. After Liam was born I wished that I had spent more time reading the post-pardum chapters of the pregnancy books. NOT an easy experience to process and digest. It will come. We can wait to hang out when things settle.
Love, Liz
Posted by: Liz Howell | 12/28/2009 at 03:16 PM
Christy, whatever you do, take care of yourself. The blog can wait, and so will we. We are just so glad she is here and you are all right! Rest. And Happy New Year.
Posted by: Ginny | 12/28/2009 at 04:03 PM
I am thinking of you during this difficult and conversely euphoric time. It is strange to be both "responsible" for a new life and trying to heel at the same time...Not being able to walk far, carry your baby around...depending on others for things you are used to doing for yourself is difficult. I had trouble with this following my c-section. It's so different from my usual role. I hope you can find peace in healing and being a loving force for your family. (P.S. Tell all the Jordans that I said hi!) - Meg
Posted by: Meg | 12/28/2009 at 09:41 PM
I went through massive blood loss with my first child. Needed several units of blood before they would let me out of the hospital (couldn't sit up without passing out). It can take a while to feel 100% back to normal. Take your time, heal, eat well (taking iron supplements helps too). Rest as much as you can. We will all be thinking of you and praying for you. - Sharon
Posted by: Sharon | 12/29/2009 at 04:15 AM
I am so happy to hear you are ok (for the most part) and baby Olive is doing very well. I hope you are resting and recovering. My Husband had a tear in his esophogus a few months ago and lost a lot of blood, and it took him a while to get back up to full strength, but he is doing fine now, and I am sure you will be too. I am SO HAPPY for you and your Family! CONGRATULATIONS CHRISTY!!! Olive is absolutely perfect!!!
Posted by: massageon | 12/29/2009 at 06:22 AM
I am so glad to hear that you are recovering with your sweet girl in your arms. She is absolutely beautiful! Hugs to your whole family especially the new Big Brother.
Posted by: Shannon | 12/29/2009 at 09:57 PM
hello christy, sending you lots of love from maine, thinking of you and your wonderful family..say hi to your folks for me. i am so happy that olive is doing so well, and i hope you have a steady, peaceful, restful time during your recovery. i just re-read this message i wrote and realized i wrote "oliver" instead of olive, my five year old's name. hopefully, olive, oliver, elias and zeke will play together someday. xoxox jen
Posted by: jen porter | 12/30/2009 at 04:59 AM
I'm sorry you lost so much blood. I had transfusions after 2 of my 3 children, and I only have 1 uterus! I can only imagine your situation is much tougher, but I can relate a tiny bit. Give yourself lots of time to recover, even when you feel better it can take many many months/even years to get your iron stores back up even after your blood count is normal again. I'm sure doctors will be helping you monitor that? (I didn't get my iron back up properly after my last child and I wished I'd caught that sooner as it wasn't a good sitation. My blood count was normal pretty quickly but they didn't check my iron stores, which were not)
We've been busy moving during Olive's birth, but I've been thinking of you and your family's great story even when I can't log on and read your blog. I'm very happy for you guys and your new little Olive!
Posted by: Kit | 12/31/2009 at 07:54 AM
I am so happy to hear that you are healing! Take care and know that we are all sending love and healing vibes your way!
Posted by: Kris H. | 12/31/2009 at 11:03 AM
Happy New Years and Blessings to you and you family in 2010.
Posted by: Mary Elizabeth | 12/31/2009 at 11:42 AM