Olive's witching hours seem to be between 11:00 and 3:00. Not every night but more often than not she screams for long spells, inconsolable, flushed, tight-fisted, arched back, with clenched abs of steel.
Nick and I take shifts. I usually cry too.
Sometimes the moment Olive finally settles and falls asleep Elias wakes. I hear his unsteady footsteps cross his room and the opening and closing of his door. Even in the middle of the night, he always closes his door.
He walks around the corner. Yes, he walks. Without his canes. In the dark to our bed that is temporarily in the middle of the some-day family room. A door-less bedroom. For now.
He climbs up and all of us nestle in our too-small bed, delirious, snug, a newly appointed family of four.
"What's Olive doing?" Elias asked this morning, at 5:15, as his sister grunted and wriggled in the crook of my arm, waking up from a two hour nap, frantically bringing her hands to her mouth, rooting.
"She's hungry."
"I'm hungry too," he said.
"Oh sweetie its too early for you to be hungry."
I lay on my back with one arm around each child, snuggling with my babes. One almost three weeks old. One almost six years. Both beautiful. Both exhausting. Elias's head rests on my shoulder.
"Elias, I'm going to have to sit up to nurse Olive, I'm sorry."
"I'm going to have to sit up too," Elias said, wide awake now.
So we sat, side-by-side, as he watched me hold his baby sister.
And sure, I'd rather be sleeping; I long for the deep uninterrupted slumbers of my pre-parenthood days. But in the terrain of my life, this sleep-deprived-crying-cuddle-fest is a small ravine; and I know someday I'll sit on a distant ridge and pine for the familiar touch of my children in the dark hours of the night.
(Now if only I can remember this tonight.)
You will for sure. Both my boys are living with me now--One 19 and the other 22. They had a perfect right to go to a movie without letting me know tonight, but I miss them, even knowing they will be home in an hour.
Blessings to you as you make it through the sleepless times. You will sleep again, I promise!
Posted by: Kathy Sue | 01/07/2010 at 09:00 PM
Smiling through my own sleep-deprived tears. Yes, the day will come when you will remember these moments and ache with a fierce longing in your heart. Then you will smile at the knowledge that your birds are flying.
Posted by: Niksmom | 01/08/2010 at 02:17 AM
My 3 older boys are 20, 22 and 23. Only the middle one lives near us. I miss the other 2 a lot and often even though the oldest has been living far away for 4 years now. It seems like just yesterday that they were babies.
I hope you are trying to nap or at least lying down when Elias is at school. When Olive is older and you are more healed from the c-section, nursing lying down is wonderful too.
Posted by: susanna eve | 01/08/2010 at 05:06 AM
Those night for me a in the near past. At least the nursing part and teh up screaming part. I do miss tehm a little already. My son though still climbs in our bed in the early morning hours fo a snuggle and the other night my daught did to. It is so hard to sleep with all the kicking and moving, but I do think I will miss it one day. That is hard to remeber at 3 A.M. though
I total agree with susanna. When Olive gets a little older nursing while laying down is a god sent. I NEVER got the hang of it with my daughter but I did with my son. It was the best thing ever for this tired mama.
Posted by: Jessica | 01/08/2010 at 08:31 AM
It is so hard to keep that in mind when you are exhausted Christy. I had my children 19 months apart. They are now 6 and 4 and while there are things that I miss about their babyhood, I do not miss the sleeplessness. I think it's ok to never miss that phase. It is so hard just hang in there, this too will pass and the length of sleep will gradually increase.
Posted by: Sarah | 01/08/2010 at 09:41 AM
I know you breastfeed, but have you ever considered supplementing with formula at night. She might sleep better for you and then you could get some much needed rest. Or if not, talk to her pediatrician to see ways to see if there are ways to calm her at night.
Sorry about the nighttime crying. I also don't miss the colicy crying from my oldest (now 9yo), but when you look back in a few years the great memories will take over and you will almost forget the bad nights!
Posted by: Sange | 01/08/2010 at 10:30 AM
Oh man, I feel your pain. Paton went through that phase too. You feel like nothing, nothing you do can make them relax. And then you get tense, frustrated or angry, and it just gets worse. Can Nick take a turn, or does he have to be functional for work the next day? We rocked, we walked, we massaged her tummy, fed, anything, and some nights she just wasn't having it. In addition to jacking her up with formula, we also did the ultimate no-no, which was let her sleep on her tummy at times. I know Olive's still too little, but when she's bigger, it might do just the trick. You won't miss those moments, and that's okay. The best thing you can say to yourself is that this too, shall pass.
Posted by: Brooke | 01/08/2010 at 10:46 AM
I'm a neonatal nurse...and that sounds like reflux, with the arching, etc. Tummy is a no-no, that i can't officially endorse - but i used for both my kids. a wedge to jack up the head of her mattress a bit? or sleeping in her chair/carseat for awhile after that last feeding?
Congratulations...welcome to the craziness of TWO :)
Posted by: lori | 01/08/2010 at 12:14 PM
Saw the Pediatrician today and it could be heartburn or night time fussiness which she could outgrow in a week or so or colic or lactose intolerance or...
I'll try giving up dairy for a week to see if it helps and keeping her more upright after feeding...though I do look forward to nursing lying down when shes a bit bigger. I also may get a comfy recliner chair this weekend for nighttime nursing and dozing.
Luckily Nick helps at night too, he may not be able to feed her but he tries all the other tricks: rocking, bouncing, swaddling, swinging etc...And we console each other when we can't console her:)
Posted by: Christy | 01/08/2010 at 05:09 PM
Get the Zantac. I resisted because she was supposed to be my healthy one, maybe I was medicalizing her, etc. Two days after we started the Zantac no crying, nada, zip.
So of course then I felt guilty about not giving it to her sooner, lol
But the arching, and the regular hours of crying - really sounds like it. I also give her mylicon because it coats her throat so the reflux doesnt hurt it.
Good luck. Isn't it awesome to be worrying about this stuff? And that wasnt sarcastic!
Posted by: Kate (That Girl) | 01/08/2010 at 06:27 PM