I sit up in bed nursing Olive, again, my back aches, my nipples throb, my eyes water as I try to read the time on the clock.
Did I sleep an hour? When did she wake last? Why won't she settle? Is she in pain? I'm just so damn tired...
I listen to Nick's soft snores with envy, I just want to close my eyes, to dream about running free with no mouths or hands that need me.
The minutes slowly pass until Olive pulls off, eyes closed, body relaxed, and as I look down at her soft cheeks, her heart-shaped lips, I'm struck with this revelation: I am the lucky one.
To have the ability to make it through and even forget those nights of battle and frustration is one of the greatest miracles of life.
Posted by: Shelley | 02/09/2010 at 12:17 PM
SSSSHH! don't tell 'em.
Posted by: Barb in Michigan | 02/09/2010 at 01:46 PM
You are blessed. You have two wonderful children that god has given to you to raise into amazing adults.
Posted by: Kaydomsky | 02/09/2010 at 01:49 PM
Isn't there just something special about having a daughter? Man, I went head over heels for my Holly. I love my son just as much but, he is moving away, towards his father. I can never walk his "man" path with him. My daughter and I though, have a special bond that just gets stronger. I am LOVING having her in my world. Sounds like you are too. :)
Posted by: Courtney | 02/09/2010 at 03:56 PM
P.S. You know you love your kid when you willingly, lovingly, again and again and AGAIN, thrust a raw and tender appendige into their mouth for them to gum and chaw.
Posted by: Courtney | 02/09/2010 at 03:59 PM
Thanks for the smiles!!!!
Posted by: Christy | 02/09/2010 at 09:05 PM
I know exactly what you mean. I used to get up every night with my son to feed him, and was so jealous of my Husband who slept through it all. Now Santino sleeps through the night, and I miss our time together in the dark just the two of us. Sometimes I get up in the middle of the night and pick him up and just rock him while he sleeps. *Sob* I need another baby...
Posted by: massageon | 02/10/2010 at 05:16 AM
Those kind of moments/ thoughts do help you get through those rough nights (and days). I still sometimes bring my little dude (10 months Friday-ack) back to our bed when he is fussy and it's close to the time for us to get up for the day just to enjoy some snuggly time
Hang in there, Christy! You have two gorgeous kids on your hands.
Posted by: Jennifer LD | 02/10/2010 at 08:04 AM
Christy,
If your nipples are still tender and painful, or if nursing Olive hurts, than something is not quite right. Maybe Olive isn't latching on quite right, maybe she isn't positioned quite right-- it's hard to tell without knowing more. But nursing shouldn't hurt and you shouldn't be tender past the first few days. Please seek some assistance from someone with knowledge and experience-- a La Leche League leader, a lactation consultant, another experienced mama or two-- because with some help you should be able to nurse in comfort and *bonus* Olive will get more milk with less effort (poor latch and position, or other difficulties, means she has to work harder for her supper). I could try to help you via e-mail but it might be simpler if there is someone local you could talk to or see.
Learning to nurse lying down can also help you get more rest and you may find it possible to doze while she nurses, plus get back to sleep more easily if you don't have to shift yourself and Olive around as much.
Posted by: Leslie in Springfield | 02/10/2010 at 08:08 AM
Thank you Leslie!!! Olive doesn't have the best latch and she's had a cold so shes been pulling off and on, off and on, a lot lately and when I try lying down with her its even worse...But I have been working with a lactation consultant and have some strategies for improvement...I'll keep you posted.
Posted by: Christy | 02/16/2010 at 12:51 PM