As we attempt to organize Elias's room he asks something about his closet door--I don't remember exactly what since he asks arbitrary questions all day long such as: Why are the fish in here? Is this our house? What color is red?--so I continue to unpack a box of books and say, "I don't know."
I don't know. My answer to so much these days.
He stands by his closet door, holding onto it for balance and says, "It's kinda freakin' me out."
The boy is a language sponge, soaking up expressions and squeezing them out, often dousing me awake.
I laugh and ask him, "Where did you learn to say that?" I picture one of Elias's kindergarten classmates saying it during recess and Elias laughing at the sound of the words before repeating it as he watches the kids run around the playground from his perch on the platform above the slide.
No response.
For all his words, he is often unable to follow the give and receive of a conversation, especially with questions that ask him to recall or project. Past and future events elude him as he turns, points, and asks: "What's that?"
Sometimes I love his present focus as it shifts me into a more sensory awareness of my immediate surroundings. This moment. This breath.
So on this Friday I guess I want to say happy everyday. Throw away the milestone charts, toss off expectations, forget about "what if" and "if when" and live today. I know its cliche' but maybe it is so because we need to be reminded again and again to be here now. I know I do.
Right here.
Now.
Even if this moment includes a colicky two-month-old baby.
For she won't be two months for long.
And Elias, oh Elias, there's nothing delayed, impaired or different about him if I drop my sense of time, my ideas of what is supposed to be, and just embrace the quirky impish boy before me, just hold him and sigh. For he is here.
For now.
Be here, in the now...resonates so deeply with me tonight. Your "now" looks so beautiful...your beautiful daughter (two months!! Time flies.) and your amazing, strong, resilient growing boy...don't blink!
Posted by: niksmom | 02/19/2010 at 04:48 PM
Look at him, he's amazing. So is that beautiful girl.
Posted by: Leightongirl | 02/19/2010 at 06:17 PM
what a great family! Valerie
Posted by: valerie | 02/19/2010 at 07:26 PM
They are both getting so big.
Posted by: [email protected] | 02/20/2010 at 06:22 AM
Yes, yes, yes!!! Elias is perfect and exactly who and where he is supposed to be! Timelines and labels are meaningless, having nothing to do with the beautiful boy who shares your life :) I always say that Arthur is just where HE needs to be and he will learn what he needs to, when he needs to know it and no one else can decide what or when that is. I just need to trust in the learning process and enjoy who he is right at this moment.
We can't know the future, we can only enjoy the now. (and soon that now will not include colic, thank goodnss ;)
Posted by: Heather | 02/20/2010 at 08:20 AM
Thank you for the reminder of the perfectness of the present moment for everybody including those of us with kids not following those charts. I
Posted by: susanna eve | 02/20/2010 at 05:00 PM
Beautiful post is what I was thinking and then Angus came in and said," what are the poles for?" "Does he get to go skiing today?"" He is so lucky." to which I responded, "They are pretty cool aren't they?" Olive may be cute but Elias certainly has the cool gear. sweet dreams.
Posted by: fleming | 02/20/2010 at 06:46 PM
yeah! happy 2 mos. Olive. happy questioning Elias. Thinking about you guys a lot. We have had a challenging couple of weeks with early wake ups, sickness (they still teethe when they are almost 2??) and a house flood from the washing machine. We have needed to call up those skills of parenting and letting go of trying to fix everything that we learn so well when they are tiny. Hope that the drippy spring light will bring us all out of our caves and into some healthier sleep habits and fun socializing. Looking forward to seeing you soon. Liz
Posted by: Liz Howell | 02/22/2010 at 09:31 AM