My friend Jess Said I Needed to Make this More Clear:

Elias can walk.

Without his canes. 

He needs his forearm crutches for long distances but he can carry ice cream pints in his two hands and walk from the kitchen to the dining room. He can walk over the uneven terrain of my parents wooded lot as his canes lay by the front stoop. He can make corners and stop mid-stride to change directions. He can step over a root.

Elias can walk.

Sure, he falls a lot.

A LOT.

And his posture hurts to watch. "He looks like he's about to do the limbo," my friend Ebeth's five-year old son said when he saw Elias ditch his canes to explore a new deck-- not a taste of tease in Adam's voice, just the honest observation of a child.

But he walks. Elias walks.

And this blog began, over four years ago with these words:

"I sit here at the computer with glee in one pocket and fear in the other. Excited to have a public forum for my words. Terrified to have a public forum for my words. How do I begin? What if I have nothing to say? What if I can’t write down my feelings and thoughts? What if no one cares about our story? What if….

What if my son never walks?

You see, this blog is about my son, Elias; but since I am the one writing, it is also about me, his mama. It is about my hope and fear for this uncertain life of ours. It is about living far from family and friends in the Great White North with a child who may, or may not, have life long disabilities. It is about the miracle of my son’s survival and progress. It is about the loss of the healthy child I expected.

This is not the story I wanted to write; but now that it is mine, now that I’m two years into it, I can’t imagine an alternative plot..." 

Countless chapters remain unwritten. And I still collect questions like dust, but I know this:

Elias can walk.

And I thought I had shared this already but perhaps that's because I've celebrated with these same words when he took his first steps pushing the Radio Flier across our living room, and again when he gained independence with his shiny silver walker, and later when he transitioned to the forearm-crutches-we-call-canes, and recently when he propelled himself across our new house unassisted-- with each step, I sang: Elias walks, Elias walks, Elias walks...

And yet every time, when the celebratory high fades and my head aches with the distance ahead, I find myself already longing for the next step, the next forward stride. And sometimes this future perspective, this longing and comparing and glancing at all that other children can do keeps me from noticing that Elias isn't falling as often anymore.

Comments

[Noel Dennehy]

The strides Elias has made are unbelievable- I say "look at this boy go"!He humbles us and he will keep on doing so. He has taught us all so much and what we take for granted. I am so proud of you all- you have learned most importantly: patience, endurance, the love of a spouse, thirst for more knowledge and the preciousness- not sure that is a word- of "family". Wow

[niksmom]

I think that's sort of how it's supposed to be for us and for our boys. We stay so focused on the road ahead, watching for unexpected ruts and potholes or blind turns that we don't realize until one day tht our child has NOT been stumbling or falling. We begin to notice that he's ambling along. maybe even running. Then we wonder, "How did I miss that?" All the while not realizing that it is our vigilance as well as their determination which gives them the freedom to stretch and grow. To fly with both feet on the ground.

And Elias? Elias is an eagle. Bold, proud, strong.

[Danielle]

Hallelujah! I LOVE this news!

[Brooke]

I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't laugh, but I think that boy's comment about Elias looking like he was about to do the limbo is totally hysterical.

[Renee]

2 things. First, you need at minimum a like button. A love button would be even better!! Second, you always make me cry. Tears of happiness, but still!! So happy that he is doing so well!! You are one lucky momma!!

[jessmatz]

Thanks for the post. . . now everyone will know. YOU are the best and your family is beyond amazing. Elias can walk AND he is a champion cuddler too (elbows and all).
Love you and miss you already.

[JenniferB]

The miracles present in your life just make my heart sing!

[Ginna]

Carrying two ice cream pints - this kid has his priorities straight! Let's get down to the important stuff, though: what flavors of chocolate were they?

Seriously - what amazing news, and yet considering the family he is growing up in, the love and strength all around him, no surprise at all. :-)

[Sange]

Congratulations! Considering the strides he has made in these past few years, just imagine what he will be doing in a few more! The world is his oyster!

[Linda]

I'm so glad to hear all this! Elias is one of my "special people" -- those who bless life with something only they can share. Elias' fragility combined with his unstoppability is such a gift of inspiration. From out here, where we don't personally experience all the setbacks as you do, we get a sense of the scope of Elias' achievements. Thanks for keeping us in the loop.

[alison]

Shivers reading this.....amazing! E and YOU are truly amazing!

Wish he could have walked some ice cream over to me. So sad I missed you on the cape!!