A world of Good

At recess on Friday, I spied Elias starting to climb up a metal ladder to the slide platform. I walked over to spot him and a boy from his class looked at me and said, "He's got it."

"You're right," I said, "The mom in me still wants to keep him safe but he can do it."

The 1st grade boy, named Cic,  pointed to the other playground. "He can climb the monkey bars over there too!"

A little later Cic asked Elias if he wanted to do the slide again. Elias leaned against his Aide and turned his head to the side without answering.

This wise little boy looked at me, smiled, and said, "He's thinking."

Elias didn't choose to keep playing with Cic, he wanted to go to the "little playground" instead; but overhearing the invitation did me a world of good.

And we all need a world of good.

Elias still stops at the door to Airport Heights on most mornings and says, "I don't want to go to school."

Some days it takes multiple staff members to entice and distract him down the hallway to his classroom.

When I drop him off at Camp Fire for one of my morning meetings, he cries and tries to push his way past Ms. Myrna, who embraces him just how he is, and provides the perfect mixture of kindness and firmness to keep him safe from himself and the other children. With years of experience with special needs kids I couldn't ask for anyone better to greet him during his morning melt-downs.

On Thursday morning, I walked down the hall after a positive discipline meeting and heard Elias around the corner saying, "I want to see My Mommy!" I quickly ducked into the girl's bathroom and hid to the curious smiles of a couple of fourth grade girls.

This past Friday, he walked into school and up the steps to Camp Fire without a word of resistance.

And yesterday, Saturday, Elias made it through the whole day without a tear. He even played well with Olive:

I can't say that he is doing anything radically different, but rather that Nick and I are. After a particularly horrific night on Thursday, we decided that we were instigating Elias's anxiety due to our own overly high stress levels that started rising this past fall with our unexpected home sale, which led into the birth of his sister, a move across town this winter, months of colic through spring, and the rainiest summer in Anchorage's history with too many days of putting off play till later.

"Not now Elias, later..."

"We'll play in a little bit."

"We'll go for a walk later..."

A later that never seemed to come.

On Thursday night, after Elias finally fell asleep, Nick and I made a commitment to play more and worry less. Friday morning we greeted the day with silly enthusiasm which has carried us into Sunday.

"Let's be silly on the bed!" Elias says often.

Instead of: Not right now I need to finish the dishes. Or: Why don't you be silly in your room. I've vowed to say yes even if its a five-minute silly break between chores. Instead of pushing him away with a mountain of no's, I'm trying to toss him a warm pile of hell yeah's.

He hears stop, careful, gentle, uh-uh, and not now way too often, especially in relation to all his interactions with Olive as he hasn't yet figured out how to interact with her safely.

The boy deserves a few more Sure, OK, and Right On's.

Yes, Elias, yes! I'll play with you!

Not later but NOW!

Maybe saying yes will do us all a world of good.

Comments

[fleming]

totally. completely. right on.

[Ginny]

I suffer from the "no, not right now" syndrome myself. And sometimes, I actually *hear* myself, and think, what am I doing? But I need to really hear what I am saying more often. We'd all be happier, at least in my house.

[Mary]

Beautiful . . . isn't the parenting dance hard? The bending and the adjusting and the working together and the realizing why your steps may be out of sync. This is lovely. . .

[niksmom]

Yes. Yes. Yes. I am practicing, too. :-) Isn't it nice to see and hear how our children have champions even when we aren't there to do the job? I nearly sobbed at school last week when I saw one of my son's classmates put his arm around Nik's shoulder in a very protective gesture. It was so wonderful to see.

[Kimberly]

How beautiful about Cic playing with Elias! When Ellianna's teacher told me that her classmates take her hand to go play at recess I felt such a flood of joy and relief. I know exactly how you feel and I believe our children draw compassion and kindess out of others in such lovely ways.

[Bren]

There have been a lot of "not now - later" comments in our house lately too. Our 3 year old doesn't quite get why so much attention is put on her 1 month old sister and while we KNOW we need to pay her more attention, unfortunately she gets the short end of the stick far too often. Thanks for the reminder to say yes more often.

[Melissa]

Thank you- you hit it riht on- I do the same with my own bunch of miracles. Lots ofnot nows-and laters. And most of the time later never comes. I often think I need to say yes more- because later may never be here.

[Christy]

Yes, yes, and yes again...I'm trying and I think its helping b/c we haven't had demon Elias since we switched our focus to as much positive energy as we can muster. Our kids radiate our energy and I know we've been way too stressed lately. I didn't even add in this post the start of school alongside Olive's daycare closing...ugh, its been rough, no wonder Elias has been out of wack.

And yes, moments of acceptance go so far......I could have kissed Cic.

[Danielle]

So funny--I made the same commitment when school started this year and am also reaping the benfits with my three (and my husband!)

[kelly o]

Thank you for the nudge....after reading your post I realized I've been saying "no, not right now, maybe later" way too much. Decided I don't want my son thinking I would rather do anything, or nothing at all, rather than BEING with him. I'm sure he would thank you for the coloring time we spent together yesterday!

[Supra Shoes]

Good job.No matter where we are, we must study all the way. As the proverb says that: You are never too old to learn. Thank you for your blog.