A Slide Tackle Shapeshift

Woke up grumpy.

Maybe because I wasn't ready to open my eyes--

Because I could sleep for a few more moons,

For decades,

And I'd still want to chase dreams down slumber road.

 

I'm tired-- and coffee helps, but its doesnt change the number of hours in a day. I'd trade a year's worth of lattes for one week of full nights' sleeps. One week without crying in the night or the sound of Elias's door opening.

So I woke up grumpy.

And when I sat at the computer to write, Elias elbowed me in the chest  and blocked the screen with his head as as he pushed his way onto my lap. "Let's check the forecast!" he said, as he does every morning.

I love my children but I don't always want them touching me. I want to sit without small hands reaching to climb Mama mountain.

I want to be a small hill in the distance that noone needs yet.  

I want to be an eagle flying overhead.

Powerless to shapeshift, 

I played soccer.

Met the Sunday crew at Dimond high school, where we played five on five on the side of the field as a girl's team practiced for a tournament. In between plays,I found myself watching the teenagers scrimmage.

I'm still that girl, I thought,  still chasing soccer balls to shift my mood.

 

Comments

[Candice]

I've realized in the last couple years of single parenting and stay-at-home-mom-ness that I have really strong personal boundary issues. Nothing gets me testier and grumpier faster than Anna climbing on me, poking me, stepping on me, [fill in the blank here with any action] on me.

Drives. Me. CRAZY!!!!!

When I want to snuggle and have loves, the physical contact is heavenly. When I'd like to have a 2-foot bubble around me that no one can cross into without my permission (particularly when I'm trying to see something or concentrate), any physical contact is an assault.

"Mama mountain." I like that description. =)

[Heather]

I very rarely comment on here, but I always am reading. Maybe you should take a couple nights for yourself? A cabin in the woods? Motel 6 off the highway? Either way, it helps to recharge. No kids, no hubby, just you.
Of course it took me almost 2 years after my kid was born to take 1 night to myself. So yeah. Moms.

[Christy]

Candice, You described my feelings exactly!

Heather, I just had an inservice day last friday that included lunch at a Thai place with my mentor and a bookstore meeting with other counselors. I even had three hours after work to myself before my family returned from a day trip to the grandparents place in Palmer. And sure it was just a day, but it did wonders for my state of mind this weekend.

One of these days I'll take even more time...