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Thanks Alison for the email and thank you for always getting it when I need someone who knows.

Would you want to make a little list of helpful things for people to say? (Or things that suck less, anyway)

Thanks for the guidance!

"At least you never got stretch marks" and "You're lucky you get to sleep at night"????? Wow, please slap me now if I have ever said any of those things. It just goes to show you how wrapped up in our own lives we can be. I never know what to say in new situations, but saying nothing is better than THAT. Stretch marks and sleepless nights have nothing on worrying about your child living to see another day.

By the way, great call to action, Anne & Christy!

Wow, that was so powerful- the tears are still running down my face. I will be sending your special words on to others if that is OK? I will try to do more in the hospitals urged on by your words. I feel so selfish with my time. I feel so honored and blessed to be asked by my exhausted son and daughter-in-law to take care of their darling normal, healthy daughter but I need, by your urging to think farther out of the box. When, I have one more free hour- can I give it to someone so much more in need. Christy, you write so beautifully, I wish you could put into words, that I am not capable of expressing, the need of women, like myself, to give a hour or more every day to "love" a child so needy and to give its parents a moment of peace. I hope I worded this right- that lovely glass of wine is making me sleepy after a long day of taking care of the darling autistic child I care for.

Tabatha, I will do a post on this soon; in the meantime, I often found it helpful when people admitted they didn't know what to say b/c sometimes there just aren't words...

Faye, I did have someone tell me I was lucky for not going into the third trimester and that she wished she could have skipped it too; I wish I can remember how I responded but I can guarantee that it wasn't you:)

And Noel, these aren't my words but another Mom's who also had a micro-preemie; I received this message in an email from my friend Alison and they hit me in the gut on Thursday. I was having a rough day anyways and then we saw a CP specialist and though the appointment went well its always a bit overwhelming to discuss all of Elias's overlapping challenges...and sometimes I need to remember how rough things were from the start and that there are families just starting out n this road all over the country who could use our support. So please, fell free to pass this message on...

wow, that was great! I thought I knew, but I didn't.. that drove home a lot of the big differences. The line about, "at least you can sleep because the baby is in the hospital" literally hurt to read.. no mother EVER wants her baby in the hospital (aside from that first 24+ hours where you are there together). it's heartbreaking.. even though I knew it all before.. thank you for the reminder.

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