Mommy Killed Olive

Fish.

I'm talking about our bloody fish.

Last week Nick brought home a new Goldfish and two small yellowish fish, similar to our two Neons, to add to our six gallon tank.

The only other occupant of the tank is an ugly looking algae eater that Elias named Mommy.

Flattering, I know.

In a recent naming frenzy, an attempt by all of us to bond to our most neglected family members, Elias named the new Goldfish Olive, the two Neons Daddy and TJ, the yellowish guys Calendar One and Calendar Two and the Bamboo plant in the tank Alfred.

Well, tonight I walked out of Olive's room just in time to see the fish named Olive caught in the vacuum-cleaner-mouth of Mommy fish. Mommy Fish clamped on Olive's back and shook her about as I stood with my own jaw wide.

Finally, realizng that maybe I could help the poor Goldfish, I tried flicking the glass; and when this didn't set Olive free, I strode to the kitchen to find a long utensil to poke them with in the hope that Mommy was just kissing Olive rather ferociously instead of killing her.

I never even had a chance to dip my icetea spoon or spatula into the tank.

As I write the Goldfish briefly known as Olive floats on her back.

Not sure how to explain this one to Elias.

Perhaps a rule is needed: No naming fish after friends or family. For it would have been a little less jaw-dropping if it had been Calendar One and Calendar Two instead of Mommy and Olive. 

Sigh.

I didn't need Mommy to be the bad guy tonight.

Comments

[fleming]

I don't know if this is the reaction you were expecting but I am laughing out loud! Thanks for a laugh so early in the day!

[Courtney]

I laughed too. *Hangs head in shame.* What else can you do?

[Christy]

If I didn't laugh at myself I'd go a little bit crazy so your laughter is welcomed as well:)

[Jessica]

okay I am laughing too!!!It reminds me of my dad. When I was about 12 and giving him a hard time he would look at me a say, "You know Jessica, the smartest animals eat their young"! This reminds me of that. Glad your fish are smarter then we are :P

[Anno]

Oh no!! Man, what a title! Hope the discussion went well...with any luck you were able to avoid the use of the names in the conversation! : )

[Shelley]

Laughing out loud here too! What a great (slightly sad) story!
PS- I love that he named his fish Calendar One and Two!! My nephew named his goldfish Cake. I love the thinking of children!

[Lin]

Sorry :( I've had goldfish tanks for years. It's pretty well known in the goldfish community that putting goldfish in with algae eaters is equivalent to hanging a "Sushi for dinner" sign for the algae eater. I wish it was more common knowledge outside the goldfish community. I lost several goldfish before I was clued in.

Fish are so fragile on a good day...naming them after family members/friends/anyone you like is usually a bad idea.

[Noel Dennehy]

I totally agree- no family names for the future!!! Fish are so hard on a family- how many times my youngest won a goldfish at her school's fundraiser to have it be belly up a day later- and of course it was my fault for I didn't want the fish in the first place. You do not need any more quilt trips!!!Love your writing always- be it sad, happy, insightful, etc- you are the best and I totally agree with your mom, that you need to write a book.
XOX

[Brooke]

I'm more interested in knowing how the hell "Calendar One" and "Calendar Two" became names.

[Christy]

Lin, thank you for telling me this, I had no idea. Now, for one, we won't get another Goldfish and two, I feel a little better about my namesake and am less worried about him eating the other fish. Also, what I didn't share in the post is that this was already our second Goldfish as we discovered the first one dead the day after Nick brought it home so while Elias and I were in school Nick replaced it and it was that night that we named them all.

No more family/friend names for sure!

Brooke, Calendar One and Two comes from Elias's love of looking at Calendars. Daily he likes to check what day it is and asks me to tell him what's written on it. Every week we write out a weekly schedule/calendar for him that he's a bit obsessive about. But even so it still cracks me up that Calendar is right in their with Mommy, Daddy, and Olive, and TJ who is our good friend but Alfred, I have no idea where Alfred came from.

And Anno, we haven't had the conversation about Olive yet, one benefit of his limited vision is that he hasn't noticed that the fish is missing...hmmmm

And Noel, thank you as always for your support I DO want to write a book I just need more hours in the day or someone to pay me so i don't have to work:)

Thanks all!!!

[Susan]

My brother's family ended up with four goldfish from Kate's school ... Uno, Dos, Tres and Quatro. Only Quatro is still alive (we were never sure how Kate knew which ones died off and why it was Quatro who survived... but he still is hanging in there a few years later! Thanks for the laugh!