Those Indelible Marks

Elias is out in Palmer with Grandma and Pop for two nights. Kathy picked him up on Monday and Nick will drive out to retrieve him tomorrow.

I love my boy but man is it relaxing without him.

A break from questions. From his frenetic nature that resists stillness, silence,and slowing down.

I can sit, for a moment...

...when Olive naps that is, because like her brother she likes to move nonstop. My demolition girl, who already picks up a hockey stick and hits toys across the living-room. Who climbs on the kitchen table, empties the unlocked cabinets, and runs through the house throwing things: Nerf soccer balls, tupperware, wooden vegetables, board books, garbanzo beans,  a stuffed mouse. Frenetic energy times two.

 

 

But I can focus on Olive without feeling split in the middle.

Loving two children pulls at a Mom's center, stretches those indelible marks until you think you can't flex another fraction of a hair.  But, you do.

You always do.

Or you don't.

Those are the only two choices really. One of my senior friends-- a mentor of mine from the Anchorage Senior Activity Center where I've co-facilitated a writing group for the last eight years-- taught me this. 

I often spoke to her about Elias, sharing both my angst and my joy.  She talked to me about caring for her aging husband. A former preacher, her closest companion for over fifty years, the father of her children, and a stroke survivor who can no longer care for himself.

Life goes full circle, we said.

"I even have to wipe his butt," she said.  Then she shifted her weight in her swivel chair, turned her eyes away from the window and smiled at me with that light in her eyes, "Oh, but you have to accept it, you just do,  because the only other choice is to not-- and well frankly, that's just not a choice."

Comments

[Noel Dennehy]

This is what grandparents are for- to give their children a much needed break. I can see when things aren't quite as smooth and suggest a "date night". I love watching them walk back in, smiles on their faces, wine on their breath and happy with each other's company.
Loved the pictures of darling Olive. Whee, your lives are action packed buy hey, look at their parents.

[Greta Campanale]

That's it, plain and simple, but so many days I make it hard on myself and resist being needed so much. Some people do it so gracefully. I wish I was more consistently graceful, but it happens daily that our kids' needs come at us like rapid fire, bewildering and undoing all my composure. EVERY day is a learning experience.

[Anno]

Olive looks so grownup! Slow her down! I have to say, I love seeing a hockey stick in her hand...but then again it's not my bookshelf that she is demolishing! Hee hee

[Christy]

Every day indeed Greta, every day indeed.

Noel you are a wonderful Grandma I can tell, and yes, it sure helps to get a break every now and then.

I do want to slow her down Anno, she is already such a toddler and less a baby and yet she's MY BABY. Don't you wish we could keep versions of our children from every age on a shelf somewhere to pull down when we miss a particular stage? Oh I know the globe is spinning faster every day.

[Faye]

I'm so glad I'm not alone. I have resorted to telling Xander that we don't need to hear every thought in his head...because I'm pretty sure he doesn't have any that he doesn't verbalize. I love them both, but man, it's so hard when one is talking nonstop and the other is destroying nonstop. Some days it feels like Jona is trying to swap all of the items in different rooms, just one or two things at a time. haha Laughing helps. Take care.

[DiVaughn]

Oh my goodness, Christy, your Olive looks so grown up!

One thing that has ALWAYS gotten under my skin, even from the NICU days when I really didn't know what I was doing or what I was in for, was the whole "I don't know how you do it" business. It's NOT a choice. I guess people don't get it unless they've lived it...

[massageon]

I agree with the above posters, Olive looks like a small child now, and not a baby! Can you believe how quickly they start to walk and talk? Speaking of talking is Olive talking yet?

[danielle]

Hi Christy,
I am alone with my eldest (age 7.5) this weekend; the two youngers and my husband are visiting his parents. It is amazing to have just one child to hang out with. I am so much more relaxed (except for the fact that I am now worrying about how NOT relaxed I am when I have all three and how detrimental that is to their well-being---oh, wait, MOMMMY GUILT -- I meant to banish it for this weekend!) Anyhow, I am glad you got a chance to enjoy O all by her lonesome and hope Resurrection Bay will, you know, resurrect yor at least revive you...
Cheers from Zurich,
Danielle