"Maybe this summer we should let Elias in on the ice-cream truck," Nick says as we sit on the couch after the kids have gone to bed.
"You think?"
"Yeah, he'd love it."
"I know," I laugh, "You mean instead of that silly truck that drives around the neighborhood playing music."
There's that silly musical truck again, we'd say last summer.
And Elias would laugh and say: What is that silly truck doing?
Oh, just driving around the neighborhood playing music.
That's silly!
So silly!
This is just one of the ways I've taken advantage of my son's limited vision.
I've eaten M&M's in the corner of the kitchen and told him that we only had fruit for dessert.
I've walked quickly past a playground so he didn't have a chance to focus his vision on the slides.
I've sat without moving in the sunshine and not replied when I heard Elias ask: "Where's Mom?"
This weekend, we went to Sears to look for new bedding. Nick told Elias he could pick out a new fun throw-pillow or two for his bed. I pulled out a multi-colored stripe pillow that I liked and said, "What about these pillows for your room, they're cool."
"No I want to pick out the pillows."
"Ok."
"I want those pillows," he pointed at a comforter.
"That's a comforter, Babe."
"Oh," from his perch in the bottom of the empty cart he pointed again, "I want those pillows."
I looked at the WWF pillows on the shelf with Hulk Hulgan-like figures flexing and said, "Sorry Babe, that's another comforter."
"Oh."
"Let's keep looking."
I pushed him to another aisle and pulled out an orange pillow with silver stripes. "Oooh, do you like this one?"
"Yeah, I like it, its orange and you love orange!"
And you love orange, the boy says, to the woman who just cheated him out of his very own wrestling pillows, even though he's never watched wrestling and not because I've monitored his TV watching but because the boy never chooses to watch television. He can't follow the images on the screen.
"Yes, I do," I said as I leaned my face towards his and gave him a kiss on the forehead, "But not as much as I love you."
So if his own mother, who loves him more than the color orange, more than chocolate, more than sleep, more than music, more than time, more than, is willing to take advantage of his limited sight, what will others do?
We ALL do this. You just have a few more opportunities. I have told my kids that the internet reports that the amusement park is closed, that their friends are not *ahem) available for playdates when I have other plans, and that no one is picking up the phone when I pretend to dial them.
Cut yourself a little slack. Or else I am going to have to beat myself up which I am not in the mood to do!!
Posted by: danielle | 04/14/2011 at 02:45 AM
Welcome to one of the advantages of Motherhood!!
Posted by: Abby | 04/14/2011 at 03:04 AM
PS. Did not mean to be blasé...I know it is different because you are thinking he will not outgrow his sight issues--but it IS possible that he will develop an extra bullshit detector , like reading tone of voice and other cues. So go easy on yourself.
:) D
Posted by: danielle | 04/14/2011 at 05:31 AM
How about the ice cream truck just plays music for the entertainment of the neighborhood? You are naturally sensitive to this, but all parents let a mistaken belief slide sometimes because they just are not ready to face a disagreement or an unpleasant truth at that time. I have relatives who were so anxious lest their daughter find out we were eating cute animals that they made us all say "chixmeat" instead of chicken--for several years. Be nice to yourself. I'll bet you never do this except when the stakes are pretty high in terms of potential for controversy.
Posted by: Sarah | 04/14/2011 at 06:04 AM
Ehh, lady. Completely agree with @danielle. We all do it: you just have a few more visual opportunities than the rest of us.
Posted by: Hairy Farmer Family | 04/14/2011 at 07:28 AM
Every time when I was little, when we passed a gum machine, my mom, said "Oh that one is broken." Took me a long time to figure out, that not every gum machine in the whole world was BROKEN. Sometimes a frazzled mom, just takes the easier way out.
Posted by: Karen | 04/14/2011 at 08:04 AM
Well, and what about all the fibs we tell about Santa and the Tooth Fairy, etc? I think letting him in on the "secret" of the ice cream truck as a privilege of being a big kid might be a thrill. My older kids are enjoying being in the know on (and keeping) the secret of Santa and the Easter Bunny, while still enjoying the excitement of the littler people.
And yes, all adults do this to some degree with their children, sometimes you just want to have a little break from the park, or the gum machine, or the night fuss that you know is not all that serious.
Posted by: Mary | 04/14/2011 at 02:32 PM
When my kids were little, I used to make up (shorter) endings to books and skip pages so i didn't have to read every.page. of a longer book at bedtime.
Posted by: Carolyn | 04/14/2011 at 03:11 PM
You have enough going on without having to add any extra drama to your day. Besides, he ended up with a pillow that he loves and will get to enjoy a few ice cream treats this summer. And you were just "redirecting" him, after all.
And more importantly, you and Nick give him many opportunities to "see" and experience so many things. I wish my own children could have some of the experiences Elias has "seen".You shouldn't feel guilty for a few sanity saving fibs.
Posted by: Shelley | 04/14/2011 at 03:32 PM
Hug.
Posted by: Kate Kripke | 04/14/2011 at 08:09 PM
Even though I was very happy about it when my kids learned to read, I remember also being kind of bummed that I would have to worry about what words were around. Before that, I had privacy (never needed to think about them reading my emails over my shoulder!). When you've got control, it's easier for you, even if you are glad (or would be) to lose that control.
Posted by: Tabatha | 04/15/2011 at 12:41 AM
Hey I never (ahem, wink) take advantage of my son's hearing loss, by talking softly to someone behind his back-literally. Or by by signing a word or two when he's not looking. Hey, we have to take advantage of those silver linings!
Posted by: Lee | 04/15/2011 at 06:50 AM
I wrote this with a bit of a smile so I'm not beating myself up too much over it though it sure helps to hear your stories.
I suppose I also tell him stores are closed when they aren't which isn't really a vision thing.
That all said, i do worry about how he could be taken advantage of by others, for so many reasons, and i guess this too is a truth for all parents but it is amplified as the parent of a child with special needs.
Posted by: Christy | 04/15/2011 at 12:44 PM
Christy! Know why I like you SO much? Coz' yer the real McCoy! I take advantage of those moments that present themselves in my life, and my kids are average. I know you worry about Elias and what his future will bring, but I suspect this behavior you've got going is a perfectly normal thing. :D
Posted by: Courtney | 04/18/2011 at 03:53 AM
We used to tell our daughter that the ice cream truck was only for people who didn't have dessert at their houses. It worked.
And I've told both kids that a store is closed/a friend isn't home/that smell on my breath is definitely NOT chocolate because we don't have any.... We all do it. To your larger point, about him being taken advantage of--well, it is an issue, but we all have our weaknesses, we're all taken advantage of sometimes. We have to do our best to make sure our kids learn enough to not let them happy *too* often.
That totally doesn't help, does it??
Posted by: Ginny | 04/21/2011 at 08:18 AM
Thank you Courtney, I do try to be real:)
Ginny, I like that and may have to use it once he learns they sell ice cream and yes, it helps, even if I will still worry. I'm realizing I'll always have something to turn my brown hairs gray.
Posted by: Christy | 04/22/2011 at 03:27 PM
My friend told her kids that when the ice cream truck played music, that meant it was out of ice cream.
Posted by: liz | 04/29/2011 at 07:55 AM