The Only American in the Room

"We're not all fat and obnoxious," I say, as I unlace my skates.

The Canadian women laugh.

Earlier, before the game, before we lost 2 to 1 in the Championship round of the Fools on Ice tournament to the Rusty Blades, the goalie had said, "If they do that USA chant again, just shoot the puck right at them. Lift it up into the stands."

Eyes glanced in my direction. "Oh, sorry."

"It's alright," I shrugged.

I'm not the overly patriotic type. Not a zeolot for the red, white and blue. I like maple leaves too.

(And sombreros and turbins and vodka and dragons and...)

By my fourth game with the Whitehorse women, I found myself wanting to talk like my teammates, add a little more lilt to my speech, eh.

I'm fluid like that, adapting to my environment, like a chameleon changing colors, more red, less blue.

And sure, this hasn't always been an asset, I've lost friends, places, as I've changed colors. In the past, I've misplaced myself in my ability to fit in with a crowd. Lost for years, until I recognized and followed a familiar trail back home.

But as my country grows more polarized, with perceived oceans between left and right, I value my mental flexibility, my ability to dance to a variety of rhythms, a plethora of beats.

If a major earthquake struck Alaska, disrupting shipping, we are only 3 or 4 days away from major food shortages. I don't care if you are a Democrat or a Republican, you need to eat. Libertarians and Independents do too.

We all crave food, water, company, love.

That child on the short bus, the one who walks and talks funny, his stomach growls just like mine. And that man on the corner, yeah sure he might want a drink, but he needs fat and protein just like me. That perfectly manicured woman over there who turns all the men's head, she gets food caught between her teeth too.

I think we spend too much time defining how we are different, instead of rejoicing in our sameness. And simultaneoulsy we waste energy fearing our differences, instead of marveling at our clollective diverstity.

As I write, somewhere in the United States an eighth grade girl considers stealing her mother's sleeping pills because when she closes her eyes at night she hears, "slut," "whore," "bitch."

A boy lifts his Dad's shotgun from the case under the bed, with the weight of a thousand "fags", "queers" and "fucking retards."

Somehwere in America tonight a cross burns in a black family's neighborhood and a white woman looks at the sidewalk when she passes a dark-skinned man.

James Earl Ray shot Martin Luther King 43 years ago yesterday.

And still we divide and conquer.

"Fucking Yanks!" One of the player says after the game and then remembers that there's an American in the room. She looks right at me: "Sorry!"

"It's alright, there's times I wish I was from Canada."

"You are for the weekend, eh."

"Thanks." I smile.  "It was fun playing with you all!"

"You're welcome to join us again next year," the captain says.

"I just might."

And I walk out of the rink thankful for the chance to cross borders, to live in the gray space between ideologies, where doors still open and light shines through.

Comments

[Ginna]

1. Championship round! Go you!

2. I feel you in that attempt to look for how we are similar - how is it that our unity gets lost in low self-esteem, lack of time, lack of care? We're all a little awkward - and if we can admit it about ourselves, we can laugh with others instead of at them.

love to you!
G

[Christy]

Ginna, thanks for understanding. I know this post jumps around a bit and is laced with profanity but I guess I've been a little overwhelmed lately by all the ways in which people demonize each other. My office is full of kids being bullied and I know it will only get worse...the dreamer in me just wants us all to get along, from school kids to countries.

And thanks for the hockey cheer, I had a blast playing with the Canadian team and actually enjoyed being the lone American in the room. Laughing at ourselves sure helps!

[se]

I do live in canada but was born in the US. I have lived in Canada since 1965.
You write so poignantly and beautifully. I always look forward to reading your blog.
p.s. I have changed which name and e-mail address I am using.

[Sara]

Great post, Christy. It's so important to stop and think sometimes, about the big picture and how we ALL are just trying to live and survive each day. There are always going to be a zillion differences, but the fundamental similarities of being human should still -- even occasionally -- amaze us.