One of my oldest friends flies in tonight to spend a week with our family. She arrives close to midnight, during our hours of dusk, before the sun rises again at 4:30 for another long Alaskan summer day.
"Can I come to the airport to pick up Caitlin?" Elias asked me abut twenty times today. Or was it fifty? Like I said, the days are long.
"No, its way too late."
"But I love the airport."
"I know."
"I want you to show her the escalator."
"Ok"
"And the glass elevator."
"Ok, I'll show her both."
"And I want you to show her the regular elevator."
"Ok."
"Has she seen an elevator?"
"I think so." Caitlin lives in New York City and I'm pretty sure she's not flying to Anchorage to check out our dazzling array of elevators.
"Is she gonna sleep here?"
"Uh-huh."
"Caitlin's coming!"
"Yep."
Replay this conversation, with a tweak or two, add Olive's squeals and cries and indecipherable demands and well, that's about the soundtrack of my day.
I love my children but man do they exhaust me. On days like today, I feel like Elias and Olive--with all their endless needs of diaper changes, water refills, snacks delivered, questions answered--slowly scrape out every last remnant of reflective thought from my brain, leaving me with a barren crater of meaningless crumbs.
Uh...
Um...
I'm uh...
Hmmm...
God, it will be nice to spend time with a friend who knew me before I had kids, back when we were younger than Olive, when we too counted our age by months. Back when we were the ones exhausting our own parents with our endless needs.
Maybe she'll help me add some substance to my empty spaces. At the very least, I know she'll demand nothing of me, and that I'll take.
And yes, I will show her the glass elevator so she can talk to Elias about it in the morning.
Because we all know he'll ask.
Have fun with Cat! Give her a hug from us!!
Posted by: Mom | 06/29/2011 at 04:57 AM
Amazing how one's world can shrink to only the immediate situation when raising youngsters! Another young mother and I reassured one another that 'Mr. Rogers likes us just the way we are' - as he said to children on his tv show. Adult contact not connected with children can be a boost to one's brain (and mood). Enjoy!
Posted by: Linda | 06/29/2011 at 08:43 AM
When my preschool aged son was asked for his mothers' day project what his mama liked to do best her said, "Put me to bed" I am HOPING he put this because we spend the time cuddling and reading books and not because he knows that there are some days I count down the minutes until bed time so I can finally have some tome to myself :P
Posted by: Jessica | 06/29/2011 at 09:58 AM
Have a great visit with Cat! She will "fill" your empty cup and the kids will have a blast too. enjoy.
Posted by: fleming | 06/29/2011 at 12:28 PM
After six years now of staying home with Anna, MAN, do I know what you're talking about. For the first few years after Charley died, staying home with her was the perfect, best place for me. But for the last 1-3 years? (4 years?) My god, I'd kill for some of that time to think, reflect, and BE without the constant mommymommyMOMMY static. Which makes me all the more glad that I'm finally ready to be going back to work. (Now if I could just find a job and get hired--no, to WRITE my stupid resumes and cover letters in a timely fashion--that'd be something.)
I rarely comment, but I'm always reading…and always nodding my head along in agreement with you. I might have a totally normal child, but I think the dead husband and the years of grief might be the 'special-needs child' in my life. You help me feel much more normal. =)
Hope you have a fabulous time with your friend!!
~Candice
Posted by: Candice | 06/30/2011 at 12:51 AM
Hello! From Al. I wish I could join you. I could use some grounding reminiscing with the 2 of you. There's something so healthy about remembering who you were (and thus are) with the people who knew you, stripped of kids, husbands, mortgages. Have fun.
Posted by: Alexandra | 06/30/2011 at 09:55 AM
Right there with you, Christy!
Posted by: Faye | 07/01/2011 at 03:38 PM
Ah yes, the endless needs cycle... Feed, clean, change, answer same question 75 times in a non irritated voice, REPEAT. On a good day you hardly notice it. On a bad day it takes on behemoth proportions. The interval between one minute to the next is reduced to an excruciating survival game where the outcome is uncertain. A hollowed out husk with a barren crater of meaningless crumbs pretty much sums it up. Been there, doing that ;-)
Posted by: Karolyn | 07/02/2011 at 09:52 PM