Fall. And You Get Up Again

And so it begins:

Tomorrow morning the sun won't rise till 8:00 a.m. making that 6:30 alarm oh so painful.

I want to press snooze until daylight. It feels wrong to wake with the stars. I've lived in Alaska for eleven years now, but the loss of light in the mornings each September still shocks me.

Its just so damn dark.

But with fall comes hockey. And man, do I love to play. I'm writing at midnight tonight because I just returned from my second game of the season. A 10:15 game on a Wednesday night makes for a long Thursday, especially with a staff meeting at 8:00 am. I just need Olive to wake up in an hour, right when my body finally settles enough to sleep, and it'll be a cherish-the-coffee-cup-kinda-day.

But you know? There's a lot of light in our home these days. I almost don't want to write it, to jynx it,  but there's an unfamiliar ease in the air.

Elias has walked into school without protest for a number of days now. When he sees me at recess he no longer says, "Is it time to go home?" Often he doesn't even seek me out on the soccer field, where I play each day with a consistent group of kids, but does his own thing on the little playground. Climbs the monkey bars. Goes down the slide. Asks the nearest grown up a zillion questions. On Monday he even played tag with some girls from his class.

In my role as the school counselor, I met with a new 1st grade student who knows Elias from Campfire; and when I told her I was his Mom she said: "I love Elias, he's so funny." I could have kissed her on the head. But I just smiled for a long time after she left my office.

Even my job feels lighter these days, more hugs and less tears.

And the dance parties in the kitchen continue at night. Last night Elias wanted to dance with his sister. He held her hands a little too tight, and yanked her around a little too rough, but she laughed along with him. 

Last Friday, Elias got to spend a night with Grandma and Pop, and before he left he gave her a big unprompted hug. She screamed, unclear of his intentions, but he just rested his head on hers, and she settled within his awkward embrace.  

Elias loves her, in his own way. Oh, and she adores him. "Yiya?" Olive says when she walks in the door. "Yiya?" when I put her down to sleep.

I know the darkness will come. It always does. But I feel hopeful tonight that this little family of ours might just be alright.

Thanks all for following along.

Comments

[Christy]

Yep, she just woke up at 1:30 am and I hadn't quite fallen asleep yet. Not looking forward to my alarm clock...

[Mom]

The days are shorter here too. It's dark when I get up at 6 and dark again around 7. You have a great family and I love the picture on the blog and the mental pictures of Elias and Olivia dancing and hugging. Miss you all.

[Sara]

y'all are definitely more than all right - you're thriving and awesome :)

[Procrastamom]

Glad things are going smoothly right now, Christy. It's always nice to sit back and think about the good things in life that almost always outweigh the bad. (It's a lesson that took me at least 35 years to learn!).

The mornings are darker here too (down in Vancouver, BC) and I always find it hard both going to and coming home from work in the dark.

I just noticed that Elias' and Olive's eyes are different colours (but both striking). Makes me think back to high school biology...if I remember right, Elias had a 25% chance of having blue eyes. Looks like he beat the odds!

[valerie demming]

your family is alright, just the way it unfolds. valerie

[Kate]

thrilled to be along whether its darkness or light, but today greatful for the light.

[danielle in zurich]

Christy, it is the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, and so I wish you and your family exactly the kind of sweetness you've been experiencing throughout the year ahead. I am so glad that you are storing up these moments (and allowing us to witness them) just like a squirrel stores nuts before the winter!

[Erin S.]

Happiness and peace!

Isn't it warming to know that she will always adore him? There may be days that he wears on her, but I imagine she will still love him ferociously.

[Christy]

Gosh, I love reading your comments. Just did for a second time.

Procrastamom, as to eyes, I love that Elias has Nick's blues but my shape face and Olive has my brown's and Nick's features. Thanks for noticing.

Ferocious love, Erin, I'll hold those two words together in my hopes for my kiddos love for each other. Thank you.

Danielle, I'm honored to have a Rosh Hashanah wish from you.

Kate,thanks for being along for both the light and the dark:)

Miss you Valerie.

Sara, thriving is always my hope, thanks for your faith in us.

Mom, I love you always. And Elias and Olive ask about you every day, "Nana?" You will never be forgotten up here.

[Niksmom]

I'm late catching up, but hoping the light within your family continues. Remember, just as the sun returns to Alaska (eventually, right!?), so too will the light and dark dance within your home. It's just life. And you all handle it with such grace.