Dim

We lost our hockey game tonight 6-0.

We were losing 2-0 with 7 minutes left in the third period. Two of the next four goals they scored with less than two minutes left on the clock and I was on the ice for both goals.

I got a puck in my ankle, a helmet in my side, a stick in my back and I missed two open nets.

Not my night.

Not my week.

I learned that a few second grade boys have caught onto Elias's knack for repeating what other people say, and they have been whispering  to him to say things during class.

So far its fairly innocent: "Say Yo," "Say goo goo pants," "Say doo doo,"...

But my heart breaks anyways.

I can see Elias, smiling, saying the words out loud, with gusto, thinking its funny.

Not understanding that he is not in on the joke.

And I think of all our dinner conversations where we play with the sound of words and how I laugh along with him when he makes up silly sounds...

How is he to know that this is different?

How do I explain to him that kids don't always have his best interest in mind?

I sat two of the boys down in my office and had a talk with them as both their School Counselor and as Elias's Mom.

"Elias's brain works differently than yours or mine," I said. "And that is why he often repeats what other people say. It is also why he walks with the canes, why he wears pull-ups..."

"I didn't know that," One of the boys said, glancing at the other, and I could have put a muffle on my mouth.

Really? Did I just give this kid more ammo?

This morning when I walked into Elias's room he sat up in his bed and said, "I don't want to go to school."

"What would you do if you stayed home?"

He turned his head to the side and back towards me. "Work in the garage with Daddy."

Right now, that doesn't sound so bad.

Yet I know tomorrow morning I'll be the school cheerleader again, reminding him how much fun it is to do math and science and reading and writing and to play with all the other kids.

I'll ignore the crack in my heart and send my blue-eyed boy into the trenches, armed only with his forearm crutches and an army of supportors across the globe.

Comments

[fleming]

How many of those kids can say they are famous as the main subject of one of the best written blogs of the digital age? Elias does have an army of supporters across the globe and we are ready to go to war if necessary. In the meantime, sometimes we all need to play hooky for a day....just a thought.

[Kate J]

This is another issue I dread facing as my daughter gets older. I imagine kids mimicking her painstaking attempts at verbal speech, or her unusual gait... or something else I haven't thought of. Good thing you were right there to notice this and hopefully nip it in the bud, while it is still relatively innocent. Vigilance...

[Lee]

My ds has had similar issues in school. Sounds like you are doing a great job handling the situation and it is heartbreaking. Sometimes it seems it would be great if we could insulate our kids from the rest of the world. But Elias is one lucky kid to be surrounded by such a loving and supportive family and that will always trump any experience he has at school.

[elizabeth]

i think the best part is that you're right there to address it head on, instead of hearing about it and not being able to talk to those boys yourself. although i'm sure it makes it that much harder too. sending hugs! xo

[s.e.]

I will admit my biases right up front, I have been a homeschooling parent for 20 years and I currently homeschool my developmentally delayed, functionally illiterate 14 year old daughter. So, that said, I'll play the devil's advocate, why not let Elias stay home with his dad and his sister? If going to school is the only way he qualifies for PT and other therapies well that is a pretty convincing reason but otherwise?
I know that I cannot protect my dd forever but for the moment I plan on continuing to protect her and she gets plenty of socialization from activities like dance class.

[Christy]

s.e., I have great respect for homeschool families. Before I had children, I thought I too would want to homeschool or unschool and educate my children outside of the walls of an educational system created during the industrial age. But honestly, I'm not Elias's best teacher; I get frustrated and lose patience and Nick too, though blessed with an abundance of patience would have his hands full with the two of them. I may consider it again come middle school when we aren't in the same building but who knows where he will be then...

I do feel lucky that I'm not only able to respond quicker than most parents as the counselor at Elias's school but that I have relationships with the kids picking on him. There are times when I have to check myself. Do I want to talk to them as a Counselor or as Elias's Mom? We don't let other parents barge into school to confront the bully but in this case I knew I would have met with them regardless.

Today is an in-service day so Elias is home with Nick and Olive, a much needed break for all of us.

Thanks all for your support. Flem, you are too kind:)

[danielle in zurich]

Could you arm him with a stock phrase, like "No, you say it!" or "I'm not your parrot!"? --If it ever comes up again...hope not. Kids can be awful but sometimes they can be champs. Elias needs his classmate-champ... Sighing for you and hoping too that you rock the next hockey game.

[Christy]

We practiced ignoring and saying, "I'm not going to say that now." Or "I'm doing my work." And yes, I'm still hoping a champ emerges, though he does have a lot of girls, and some boys, who are sweet and helpful with him. So its not all bad...

We just lost another game last night 5-2 and we were winning two nothing so they scored five unanswered goals:( But we have another chance Sunday for a win!

[Sarah]

Christy,
My heart breaks for you and Elias. My son has autism and so far he's been in a small Kindergarten, but I fear for next year when he's in a first grade integrated classroom. He has many tics and attributes that will draw the attention to him. i ask myself all the time, how can I send him into that environment? It is such a hard thing that you're facing. You and Elias are in my thoughts and prayers and those of many others. Elias has a huge crowd of cheerleaders out here rooting for him and for his great mom too!