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11/30/2011

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Christy - You both are wonderful parents for Elias!! I think it will get easier in some ways. He is a great little guy...the label doesn't change that :)

A community is here for you. Visit A Diary of a Mom, Mom-NOS, me, or many more and see we have community for you whether you know us or not; all you have to do is come sit on our virtual couches. I know I speak for many when I say we don't want you to stop believing. I don't. Tell me how I can help. I will listen.

Christy,
A great number of NT 7 year olds don't get the concepts of sharing or fair play, they mean nothing. I think those things are learned behaviour and not natural. Because of Elias' delays, he is like a younger child in many ways and talking about those concepts doesn't affect the inability to understand them and also the lack of desire to do those things. A lot of the time even adults don't really want to share. The challenge is how to keep him safe and the other kids around him safe, it's not easy for sure.

have i shown this to you yet?

http://noahdavidsmith.com/director/690/ubs-stephen-wiltshire/

the possibilities -- although different from what we may have imagined -- are endless for all of us.

sending you big hugs!!!
xo

The label doesn't change a thing. Elias was the same boy before the paperwork confirmed your thoughts. He has other labels too. Some great and some not so great. They don't matter. He is your son and one minute he will frustrate the hell out of you and the next minute you will marvel at how lucky you are to be his mom. Maturity takes time and there is no finish line. Day by Day. So he hurt his sister and wasn't sad about it. You did the same thing to someone once too. We ALL have, autism or no. Elias needs more reminding but that doesn't mean he is a bad kid.....just sometimes doing bad things. Crack a beer and find some leftover Halloween candy. It might just help a little. xox.

sorry you got this diagnosis - it's one that our Robbie carries, though his challenges are different than Elias's.

I have days where I just want to pull an ostrich and hide from the world, but we keep trying and working on it. We keep seeing progress but it's sometimes so slow we feel like it's going backwards instead. I keep taking it one day at a time and finding ways to have time for myself in the meantime.

Thinking of you.

I know I always hate to "see it in print" - no matter how long we have been at this or how well we've accepted and integrated my daughter's diagnosis into our lives. Somehow it always blindsides me.

Christy, I know I can't completely understand how this feels, but know I do in a way. I understand the questioning, the wondering. I keep wondering if something K does is "normal" or if there's more to it that I need to worry about. Just know that whether you had that paper or not, Elias is still the same little boy, but you may have more options and/or people that may be able to help. Thinking of you guys!

I'm still here if I can be of any help. Fleming is right, he's the same boy that he was before. There is just a new prism to view him through now. Lean on the community; these are truly wonderful kids and parents. You will all find your way. Love to you, Elias, Nick and Olive.

Aww man...The first time someone said autism to me it was preceded by the words "he will never love you." In two sentances a man tried to change the child that I was holding in my arms. Bullshit. Autism spectrum, PDD-NOS, deveolpmental delay. The names may give us some explanation, some community, but they do not change the child in our arms. Hang in there lady.

Primal scream floating across the Atlantic on your behalf. I know I am supposed to say this changes nothing (and I agree with that, basically) but can i still say it sucks and I am sorry?
But here's something else I think. I've been following your blog for years now. And in addition to being officially on the spectrum Elias is:
1. incredibly determined--I remember how he learned to walk, dammit!
2. intelligent--the way he processes things(like "two ways out") the way he's learned some serious skills in school and out.
3. A lover of nature. That boy has a connection with the wild. I can totally see him making that a big part of his life in the future.
4. loving. He does not (fill in the blank--mind you, etc.) but he loves his grandparents, you guys (and he does manage to show that even if it isn't always smooth sailing!) and he can participate in family rituals and kitchen dances like nobody's business. I've seen the proof.
He has so much going for him, including you and Nick and Olive. And he has, and will, bring you so far, because you are that kind of person, you have and will meet him halfway and when you ened to more than halfway. He is in part responsible for your world view, for the level of empathy you have developed, for your gritting your teeth and taking on roles that would once have seemed impossible.
None of that means it isn't all too much from time to time, crazy time-consuming, maddeningly frustrating. It must be. Often.
But it is also this incredible life. That's what I think most of all, when I read your words: this woman is living in the fullest, truest sense of the word. (Like I said, also EXHAUSTING.)(And by the way, I don't mean to imply that other of your readers are not. I am just pointing out that Elias may be part of the reason why I feel this force coming off you...)
Danielle

I'm with Fleming. Our 7 yo doesn't seem to get these concepts yet which scares the hell out of me. There may in fact be some kind of diagnosis in our future but at the end of the day I have to remind myself that in my heart I know him better than anyone else and so if someone else wants to attach a label to him so be it. It may allow you access to a new community or strategy or support and only time will tell how much it really applies to him or not. In the meantime just keep reaching out to him. Read what you can and yet not too much. And yes beer and candy are good too.

Fuck. You all inspire me. I'm crazed and I'm hopeful and I'm in love and frustrated as hell but it takes a community of caring folks and a sick kid, with a sinus infection, to make you look at your son and feel nothing but wonder and warmth and the need to hold him to your chest as he rests his head on your heart and you breathe together as one.

Love you all.

Happy Friday!

oops, I mean strep throat. (Thanks Nick for the correction.)

There are lots of individual blogs among us moms of kids with autism, but I'd recommend starting with actual information: http://thinkingautismguide.blogspot.com/

The Thinking Person's Guide to Autism has, I believe, five editors, all of whom know where you are right now.

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