Another Day in Your Life

So on the morning of your ninth wedding anniversary (your second of two) you find yourself awake at 5:00 a.m. sandwiched between your daughter and son, your husband out of reach.

Unable to roll off your side, slightly claustrophobic, you decide to shimmy out of bed, only for Olive to cry, "Mommy! Mommy!" You pick her up and move to the recliner, where you both doze till 7:00 a.m., till she climbs off you to turn on PBS. You close your eyes to the sound of Curious George and wake to your husband sitting on the arm of the chair. Before you can fully focus on his handsome face, your daughter climbs between you, "My Mommy!"  She lunges across your body, graham cracker in hand, still chewing. "Nuggle Mommy."

Later, when you ask her to push the two little ottomans back to the living-room, her make-believe train that now blocks the entryway to her brothers room, she cries,"No!" When you persist, she throws herself on the floor and cries.

Elias, awake now, dressed, and sitting at the table eating an English muffin with soy cream cheese says, "Can I tell you what I'm thinking?"

"I'd love to know."

"I'm thinking that next year at camp I'll ride in the white van."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, cuz I think its way cooler than the red van."

"Ok."  You've heard very little about the camp activities, even less about the other kids there, but every day you hear about the van rides from the sports dome to the pool.  And the sky bridge at UAA. And, but of course, the elevator.

"Maybe our next car can be a van." Cream cheese covers Elias's mouth, his right hand.

You reach for a paper towel. "Maybe."

He lets you clean his face without protest. "There would be a lot of people in it!"

After his first day of camp, you asked him, "Did you meet any friends?" And when he answered no you had to remind yourself that his focus is on vehicles and corridors, but this does not mean that he spent the day ostracized, alone.

"He got a lot of attention, today," Ms. Julia had said. And just because you are an overly social creature, caught up in the intricate web of human relationships, does not mean your son's needs mirror your own. You, more than anything, want him to be accepted. He, more than anything, wants you to walk across the sky bridge with him.

You think about perspective and how two people can have the exact same experience but walk away with different stories.

When you and Nick take walks around the neighborhood, you can both check out the same house but see it differently. "Wow their Peonies are already in bloom!" you might say. "Did you see how big they were?"

"No, I was looking at their door," he might answer. The gardener and the handyman look at the exact same image but walk away with different pictures. One sees new siding paired with a decaying roof. The other colorful blooms mixed with weeds.

Elias's camp experience will not be what you remember from your soccer camp days, singing into your hairbrushes to the Jackson 5 with your new friends. But he walks out the door eagerly each morning and comes home exhausted. You can't really ask for much more.

And Olive, who has finally peeled herself off the ground, and returned to the kitchen half naked to demand a snack, will bring her own perspective to the mix. Her own world view, influenced by her parents and brother, but uniquely hers.

When Nick leaves for work, he leans in close to his two-year-old tyrant, his spirited sprite, his delicious daughter full of sugar and spice. "You be a good girl!"

"No," she states, "I'm Offive!"

Yes, she's Olive. Exactly.

And sure you would have rather started this anniversary day with more time in bed with your husband, without children, but you know that their presence defines your marriage as much as the love that originally bonded you. You know you are more patient with each other because of their antics, their needs.

 

And you know they won't want to sleep with you forever.

(Well, you hope...)

 

Comments

[Procrastamom]

Happy Anniversary!!

[Dayna]

Happy Anniversary. So glad to hear that camp is going well for Elias! I hope that you can get some quiet time in while he is away.

[Kate]

Happy Anniversary! Sounds like camp is a great fit. Hope you can find some time for just you and Nick to celebrate. I am hoping they don't want to sleep with us forever too.

[Mom]

Love the picture! We remember 9 years ago getting ready for the big day. What a glorious day it was!!

[Niksmom]

Happy Anniversary! And, no, they probably won't want to sleep with you forever. How's that song go? "You're gonna miss this; you're gonna miss these days..."

[Glenna]

I saw the vans on campus today. How great that Elias is a part of camp. I miss you and your family and would love to connect at some point so my David has the opportunity to meet you all.
I can't get enough of your writing.

[danielle in zurich]

Happy Anniversary! And Happy Camp to Elias. But what on earth is "the second of two." The second of two 9th anniversaries? I am feeling really dense and slow today so help me out.

[Laura]

Happy Anniversary!!! May you have many many many more!

[Christy]

Danielle, we got married twice. We were legally wed here in AK with a wedding party total of five people but then had a full ceremony and reception with all our family and friends a month later on Cape Cod. I meant to link to an older post that explains that b/c I figured it was confusing so thanks for asking:)

Miss you too Glenna and I can't believe I still haven't met David. He has outgrown the shower gift I have for you that slacker me never sent:( Lets connect soon!

Thank you all for the well wishes. We had a great evening last night after a rough start to our day. And we plan on a night with out the kids when we go to the Cape in two weeks.

But first prepping for dip-netting since we leave Sunday for a week of camping on the beach and fishing for Reds.

[danielle in zurich]

Oh, we had two weddings, too, now that you mention it!! But we never, ever remember either--usually my uncle from America has to remind us. Good thing we are both similar that way...

[jessica]

Happy Anniversary again. . .
We might have sung ourselves silly with hairbrushes (and I think it was Rockin' Robin-- did jackson5 sing that?) . . . but I truly believe that Elias will create his own special memories that connect him to camp. . . and as you say, his picture will be different than yours or mine.
Miss you lots. Counting down the days until we get to play on the beach. I can't wait to see the chaos that Olive and Bennett finally create together.
xo