Feeling nostalic for my little adaptable boy who never melted down.
Who didn't take his frustration out on me. Who didn't swing his arms and try to squeeze my face. Who didn't hit his family.
I miss that little boy, something awful tonight.
PS. All these pictures were taken the summer he was three. The summer before I started to supect that he had Autism too. Before I lived with this fear that I might never be able to communicate with him the way I once imagined.
Before I knew it would get even harder now than it was then.
Oh no!!! Sorry that this is not the "happy friday" post! Hope you can get some good family time this weekend and maybe some alone time or just time for you and Nick or one on one time with each of the kids. Or if not at least some beer and/or chocolate. Anyway, it is a marathon not a sprint and I know you're in it for the long haul. Hope the sun comes out again soon, but if not know that your devoted readers are here regardless.
Posted by: Kate | 08/31/2012 at 01:30 PM
sounds like you need a good cry and then some strenuous exercise...always helps me. I'm thinking of you.
Posted by: fleming | 08/31/2012 at 01:35 PM
It is so hard to endure a terminal grief for what should have been. Losing what is the core of human connection is crushing certainly. You expose what other special needs parents think and feel but simply cannot express. Thank you for giving a voice to that.
Posted by: Kimberly | 08/31/2012 at 04:38 PM
Although I don't live the life you do, I'm sorry it's so hard. But I fully appreciate the fact that you and Nick do all you can to help Elias be all he can. Regardless of how frustrating it must be, you all are making the difference for him. Even though I don't "know" you, I know that. Elias is lucky, and you are too--even if it doesn't always feel that way.
Posted by: Shelley | 09/01/2012 at 04:14 AM
Oh boy. Be kind to yourselves, take the time oyu need when you can find it, and go for a long walk alone. Hang in there.
Posted by: danielle in zurich | 09/02/2012 at 06:00 AM
Thanks all. I've been sick, my yearly return to work cold I seem to get every Labor Day weekend, which never helps my mood. My mind always matches my body and between falling off the ladder, chills and body aches and a stuffy head, and chronic heel issues that have kept me from soccer and running for months, well, I'm a bit of a mess. And Elias is struggling too with the transition of returning to school, evening homework, and just plain exhaustion from keeping up with all the other kids. Not our best week. But yes, it is a marathon, and the sun will return and in the meantime, these dark chocolate covered soy nuts sure taste good.
Posted by: Christy | 09/02/2012 at 08:49 PM