Holy Wind Storm

No school today due to hurricane force winds that bowled over Anchorage last night, uprooting trees and downing power-lines.

We didn't lose any trees but many of our neighbors did, so Nick is out with his chainsaw cutting wood.

I'm home with the kids but I'd rather be sawing limbs.

Elias continues to redefine the word challenging. He started off the morning swinging at me and his sister because he wanted to be on a certain side of our bed. An hour later we attempted a walk. He tried to take Tonz's leash from Olive and swung his cane at me when I told him no. This ended our walk. But Elias refused to head towards home, running off in the opposite direction. I caught him and told him he had a choice: to walk home or be carried. He opted to try to squeeze my face instead.

So I took his canes from him and attempted to carry him home and this is when it dawned on me. When he truly struggles, he is getting too heavy and too strong for me to contain.

And this scares the crap at me.

We were just in our neighborhood (you know, putting on a show for our neighbors) a few blocks from home, but what if we were in a more crowded public place and he did get away? What if I can't carry him back to home-base?

This morning, Nick, who had been ahead with Olive, came back and took him from me, earning a bloody forehead scratch in the process.

By the time I reached home Elias was pounding on his bedroom door with Nick standing outside holding it closed. Worried he would hurt himself, I went in his room and just enveloped our angry boy in a giant hug. "You're safe. We love you," I repeated softly, even though I wanted to say anything but this.

He calmed and melted into my arms. "What are you feeling?" I asked.

"I don't know."

"What are you thinking?"

"I don't know."

We talked about safety and trust and consequences for not following directions. Or rather, I talked and he rubbed his eyes in my lap. When I told him he needed to take some quiet time in his room, he started to push through me.

"Elias, I need you to show me you can follow directions."

"NO!"

And so it began again. And this has been our happy family day off of school. When we should be relishing in this extra time together, instead Elias pounds on his bedroom door and I stand outside sobbing.

Welcome to the Everett Jordan household on a windy Wednesday.

As I write, both my kids sit a few feet away from the television, watching Barnie, the all-too-annoying purple dinosaur that I usually turn off-- but today I need him to give me this sacred time to vent. To verbalize this angst, so I can let it go.

So I can start this day again, the way Elias walked out of his room as if nothing ever happened.

Clean slate.

Here I go...

"I love you, you love me, we're best friends like friends should be..."

Comments

[Liz]

I hope things have calmed since you wrote this, both in and out of your home! May I recommend. "Positive Discipline for the Child with Special Needs"? Our whole agency uses the tenets therein, and personally I felt like it gave me ideas about what to do, so I didn't feel as helpless. And the strategies really work! Good luck, I know you'll do the right thing, whatever that may be!

[Lee]

Perhaps Elias is acting out because he can't verbally articulate his feelings. Have you considered taking him to a Psychologist to help him do just that? There are so many programs that they can use such as 'How Does Your Engine Run' and 'The Incredible 5-point Scale' for mood regulation.

I hope things are better for all of you tomorrow!

[Kate]

I agree about exploring some other outlets for his frustration. When does he seem to feel most at peace with his body and emotions? Incorporating some kind of movement or something into his day. I don't know what he connects with although he looks beyond happy in that riding picture with octopus. I know you have explored all these things before and are probably exhausting yourselves and your resources pursuing them but I think frustration is a key underlying theme and some kind of physical release might help. Not trying to solve anything. Just my thoughts. In any case keep writing and exercising for your own release and hang in there! Hugs!

[s.e.]

The not being able to physically contain him is scary. That might just mean that he stays home a lot. That might be a consequence that works or at the very least keeps him safe. The kinds of things that work with younger children might be effective but tough to do when he is getting too big and heavy for you. Good luck.

[Stacey]

Love you & wish we could help! Call on us for a babysitting break or whatever!

[sara]

I'm so sorry. Hang in there.

[danielle in zurich]

It's the rinse-repeat-rinse-repeat nature of raising children that is so darn difficult. Hang in there through this tough time...another family dance will come your way...

[Christy]

Liz, I will look for that book. Thank you, I am always open to suggestions.

Lee and Kate, I agree that when he acts out there is more to it. He can't say, "I'm frustrated because..." It often has to do with us setting firm limits and him pushing against them. Sometimes we can give a little but when safety is a concern we can't. We saw a psych last year and did not find it to be the most successful use of our time but it could have been the wrong connection. And yes, i wish he could ride horses all year but there currently isn't an indoor program for a rider like him. Though I'm still on the search.

S.E., the hard thing about staying home is he's a kid who loves going out. He loves walks and errands and social time. We just never know when it will be a smooth ride and when it won't. So we are often on egg shells. Plus we do like to involve him in the world beyond our home.

Stacey, Nicks going hunting next week so i may be a callin':)

Thank you Sara and danielle, what goes up must come down and I know we will be dancing again. Just in a hard phase right now.

Love having you all here:)

[Lee]

@Christy--It's good to be picky for psych's(if you decide to go that route), some are good for different families just like any other doctor. It took 3 Psychologists before we found the right one for Randy.

OT--The flowers in the next post are just beautiful. Nothing like the Midwest.