Conversations with my Almost-Three-Year-Old

 

Scary Monster

"Elias scared me." Olive leans her head against my shoulder.

"I know sweetie."  

He just grabbed you by the hair and banged your head into the kitchen cabinet! You should be scared!! Hell, he scared me!!!!

He changed from silly older brother playing horsey and bucking bronco to a whirl of irrational fury. Just like that. A snap. A switch. And there's no words or logic to turn him back.

He might not have meant to grab Olive so hard but once he does he can't stop. Our angry response only tightens his grip. Its like all the connections between his brain and muscles short circuit. And overload.

NOOOO he cries and swings at whoever intervenes. He roars like a hurt hippo. He grunts and kicks and squeezes and scratches.

I sit on Olive's floor, holding her in my lap. She looks at me and says, "Elias a scary monster."  

Oh sweetie...my babies...

Wine Coffee Beer

"What's that?" Olive hangs from the front of the shopping cart and points to a box of Merlot.

"Its wine in a box."

"Why?"

"Because..." I think about saying because Anchorage doesn't recycle glass, or because then you can't see how much you drink, but I'm aware of the line listening and want to keep my answers short.

"Why?"

"Because it is."

"I like wine!" Olive grins.

I smile at my daughter and glance at the people behind me. "No you don't. Its a grown-up drink."

"Why?"

The couple in front of me smiles.

"Its kind of like coffee."

Kind of. Kind of not.

"I like coffee!"

"You're silly!" I smile at the man behind me. And the man behind him. We are all in line to buy alcohol early on a Saturday evening.

Olive gives me her best silly face. "Yeah, and I like beer too!!!"

Oh shit, she knows too much already.

 

Too

I sit at the table doing a dinasour puzzle with Olive. Its quiet as we look for matching pieces.

Earlier she poured a bottle of Elmer's glue on the rug, play tent, laminate floor, and all over the bathroom. (I should have known she was too quiet.) She ran away from me screaming--NO, NO, NO-- when it was time to get dressed. She demanded a treat from her Halloween bag for breakfast and cried a bucket of tears when I said No.

She doesn't look up from the puzzle. "I love you too Mommy. And Daddy and Elias and Tonzy. I love you all too."

How did she know I needed that?

Comments

[danielle in zurich]

Oh boy, What a day. From low to high to worrying that perfect strangers know what you do every evening!

[Niksmom]

Hugs. Just...hugs. Hugs for the scary, hugs for the silly, hugs for the love you need to remember is there. Always.

[Rooster's Mom]

Sometimes Elias reminds me of my boy, Rooster. This time, though, Olive reminds me of my girl, Peaches. Even though Peaches is six now, and six going on at least 17, I vividly, vividly, so vividly recall her at Olive's age: the messes, the wisdom, the reading my mind, the refusing to wear clothes, the difficulty of helping her understand her unique brother, those one liners in the grocery store or anyplace else. How I wish we could all get together for a meal, some healthy food for the kids, some boxes of wine for the adults!

[Christy]

Thanks all. Oh I think we'd have a lot to talk about a lot of wine to drink if we had time together.

It often works that when I write about how challenging Elias can be than we have a really nice night together as a family. Tonight was one of those nights.

[danielle in zurich]

I think good times often follow the bad ones. There is probably *something* to it--besides its helping us stay sane. It may be that these explosions are related to some kind of intense process (or processing) Elias is going through and then that he is relaxed after having let it all out. Wouldn't it be great to find a safe outlet for Elias (and all our kids?) When I was growing up, friends of the family had a boy (preteen) whom they sent to scream therapy. I overheard my parents mocking this idea But I wonder now if this therapy helped? The kid turned out fine (I hear.) Not recommending, just pondering.

[Lisa Y]

A few years ago one of my students finished the writing prompt, "My Mom is happy when..." with "she drinks beer"! At the time I have to admit I thought that was sad. Now, I am just afraid one day my kids will say the same about me!!!

[Christy]

Danielle, I do feel like his outbursts are somewhat beyond his control and from being over-loaded and afterwards he is calmer. Finding that perfect outlet would be amazing. Some safe way for him to unload without hurting his sister...

Oh Lisa, you gave me a great big smile. Thank you for your comment, I shared it with Nick:)