More than walking unassisted,
more than seeing clearly,
more than eye contact,
more than healthy lungs,
more than academic success,
more than using the toilet instead of wearing diapers in the third grade,
more than balance, growth, movement, vision, speech,
I wish Elias could understand how other people feel, that his actions have reactions, and people are not mere obstacles in his way.
Who knew this would be the hardest part?
We assume our children will be empathetic. Some are born with that understanding and others we try to teach it to which is really tough. I think maturity helps in this area naturally because they have more experiences to draw from but perhaps Elias' limited vision prevents him from reading a friends expression and therefore empathy can't follow? Maybe for him it will have to involve memorizing certain responses to his actions...for example taking something out of someone's hand=tears, or tears from a friend=go and ask if they are ok. Is this what you already do? I could use some help with how to foster this too!
Posted by: fleming | 03/01/2013 at 05:47 AM
My daughter is 16 now. My experience has often been what you describe, the unexpected areas of difficulty can catch you by surprise.
Posted by: s.e. | 03/01/2013 at 07:05 AM
I would just say, YES!
This is what I have observed among the boys who were in my older (23 now) sons' autism resource room in HS - the guys did have to learn empathy responses by rote. And practice! A lot of these guys had been "in the system" since preschool, and had gotten pretty good at it. It was always an effort, and way more difficult if they were stressed in any way, but I was REALLY impressed at how far each of them had come with this important human skill. I always believed that, deep down, somewhere, they themselves wanted and needed friendships and the ability to get along somehow, even when there were no clues in their behavior. Today my son has been steadily employed for a few years going, and where it felt like I was holding my breath for much of his life, I am now breathing a bit easier. Some of these young men still come by our house, and while they don't often make eye contact or initiate conversation, they are polite and seem to enjoy being around our family. I hope this is encouraging. I know this so hard.
Posted by: Kate J | 03/01/2013 at 01:35 PM
And I would say, Yes YES this is encouraging kate J! Thank you for writing as i do think/hope we can work towards teaching Elias the proper responses even if it doesn't come naturally, as Fleming also implied. Thank you for sharing your story and Flem thanks for letting me know you could use help in this area too. And s.e. yes, I am often surprised by what is challenging too:)
Posted by: Christy | 03/01/2013 at 08:39 PM