The boy who never melted-down.
My happy adaptable kid I could take with me anywhere; and sure, people would stare at the little blond boy with a walker, but I didn't have to worry about him trying to hit me in public. Or running the opposite direction, while screaming, "No it's not time to go!"
Its getting harder to leave the house with how unpredictable Elias is these days, never knowing when he'll refuse to comply. When he'll lose his shit over something seemingly small like a misplaced napkin.
And yet he and Olive are often at their worst at home, making me feel trapped in a whining, screaming, crying warzone. A gazillion toys in the house and they both want to play with the same one, but not together. They taunt each other, each knowing how to make the other one mad.
But Elias is far more hurtful.
Pulling Olive's hair, rejecting her sweet attempts to try to get him to play. Grabbing at her and squeezing as she just tries to walk past. Never showing remorse. Not even seeming to understanding what is wrong with his actions.
Today we learned Olive cried at school and told Ms. Tere that her brother hurts her. Hearing this made me feel both heartbroken and relieved.
Relieved that she can talk about it at school, and that she is already finding ways to get support for herself outside of the family.
Heartbroken that this is her reality.
And mine.
Tonight I saw a boy about Elias's age, walking across the parking lot, hand in hand, with his three-year-old brother. His mother, if she saw me, wouldn't know why I paused to wipe my eyes.
Wish we were closer to give you a BIG HUG and KISS. Wish life was easier for you. You and Nick are great parents - don't think otherwise.
Posted by: Mom and Dad | 04/23/2013 at 05:42 AM
It's so hard Christy. (((Hugs)))
Posted by: Sara | 04/23/2013 at 06:06 AM
I am so sorry. My younger brother was subject to terrible tantrums, but my other brother and I were older and larger, and learned readily to get out of the way. I am wishing coping skills for Olivia, and hoping time will alleviate the tantrums. I am confident nobody could do better than you and Nick.
Posted by: Sarah Lynn | 04/23/2013 at 09:42 AM
That family you saw at the parking lot, you probably saw them on a good day. There has to be many days when that same older brother is chasing or yelling at his younger brother in public (and driving his mom crazy in the process)!!!
Posted by: Lee | 04/23/2013 at 02:53 PM
Torn between wanting to just say hugs or I get it and wanting to offer some hope or other comfort. So here's both. I do get it. Our oldest child continues to have periods of unpredictable and aggressive behavior toward me and his siblings. They are much more easy going so I do worry about how it affects them. But maybe because Elias was not like this at 3 maybe he is passing through aspects of that stage now with a need to lash out and control and be frustrated. I often feel with our kids their development is not linear so much as circuitous or something else. Maybe just a setback before a breakthrough I mean. In any case hugs and keep on sharing.
Posted by: Kate | 04/23/2013 at 04:55 PM
Thank you all for your love and support. I do hope this is a phase and not a permanent part of Elias's personality. The fact that he is the meanest to Olive, I believe speaks to some inner jealousy which I hope will get better and not worse with time. And she will grow less self-centered and hopefully be a good role model for him some day which is a lot to expect from a now three-year-old but I have to hang my hat somewhere. Good thing she is not a meek kid but a bit of a fireball so she can rill with a lot of his tantrums. Oh and I know there is no such thing as a perfect family but I just wish we had more moments of accord between siblings. Hoping for a better night tonight...
Posted by: Christy | 04/24/2013 at 09:13 AM
Wiping tears too. Sending *hugs* your way.
Posted by: LaKena Marotta | 04/25/2013 at 05:12 PM