Woke Sunday morning to a moose eating our frozen Halloween pumpkin right in front of the living-room window. Take the glass away, and I could have reached my hand out to stroke his head. Normally, I would have called the kids to come and see but I had the birthday gift of a night without children.
Nick took me to the California Honeydrops on Saturday night and we danced past midnight. This after a day of skiing at Alyeska, both kids in lessons, leaving me free to explore the top of the mountain with ten inches of fresh snow.
On Sunday, I played not one but two games of soccer in my 35-and-over indoor league, losing both, but running and kicking and heading that ball, thankful for this body of mine, that may not recover as quickly as it once did but can still move in all kinds of ways.
Dancing, skiing, playing soccer, not a bad way to celebrate turning 42.
In my twenties, I thought my days of playing soccer were over due to painful varicose veins in my legs that had burst during a slide-tackle gone wrong. I grew older and realized I cared less about the look of my legs and more about their function, so I returned to the field, to the game I fell in love with back in middle school.
There was a time when walking onto the pitch was the only time I felt truly strong, insecure and nervous about all the impending changes of adolescence, I pulled my socks up over my shin-guards and became a different girl. Fearless, aggressive, and full of confidence that I was going to get that ball. Steal it, thwart the opponent, and kick it up field-- past all my anxiety about growing up and transitioning from a scabby-kneed girl to a young woman with all the pressure this role beholds.
And now here I am, celebrating another birthday, in my early 40's, transitioning from a young woman to middle age. Comfortable in this space my body claims, in the person I've become, and still finding solace in between the lines of a soccer field.
Its different now, more of a release than a transformation, a place where there is no time to worry or think about Elias and Olive and all the decisions that come with adulthood. Where there is still just running as fast as you can, there is offense and defense, and trying to get the ball in the opponents net more times than they get it in yours. There are simple rules and codes of conduct and a referee who blows the whistle when the ball goes out of bounds.
Life off the field is more confusing, less orderly, and without a known time limit.
And so we all need time to let go and play. Whether its skiing down a black diamond trail or dancing in an old warehouse, shaking your hips and waving your arms in the air.
Or just sitting in front of a computer and writing about your weekend, letting the words take the lead, giving time and space to the places in-between actions and to-do lists and all those myriad responses to little hands and voices that need.
Time to reflect and turn your life into a story for others to read.
Glad you're back in the game! And a Happy New Year to you.
Posted by: Kate J | 01/20/2015 at 02:30 PM
Much love to my beautiful, inspiring friend. Thank you for sharing your story.
Posted by: Audrey | 01/20/2015 at 08:32 PM