5) You run after me on the soccer field, surrounded by able-bodied boys, Samoan, Alaska Native, African American, Hispanic, Hmong, many with challenges greater than yours, hidden behind the closed doors of the trailer park Northeast of school.
You stand out almost as much for your blue eyes and blonde hair as you do for your canes that graze the field every few steps to keep you upright.
"Where's the ball?"
Your limited vision makes it hard to follow the game, especially in the May sunshine, but you run with the pack anyways, a smile wide as your namesake, Mt. Saint Elias.
When the ball hits your canes or lands by your feet, the boys who fearlessly slide-tackle, kick, grab, head, push, and collide, pause.
You plant your canes, swing your right foot, and connect with that nebulous orb, sending it a few feet down the pitch.
"Nice kick Elias," one of the 6th graders says, before he runs off to chase the turmoltuos mass of young boy bodies, in motion, once again.
You smile and follow along.
6) "What a sweet boy," the substitute T.A. says when I introduce myself to her as counselor and Elias's mom.
"He's so cute," I often hear.
Or: "I love him."
You know how to charm older women. At eleven you still want to hold hands. You tell people they are nice, that they are good teachers, or that you like them. You give hugs with all that you have, head against, arms around.
New this year, you also want to hug a few of your female classmates, especially the nice pretty ones. You sit too class to them in library. Tackle them in gym. Lean against them in class. They treat you like a younger cousin, awkward, but harmless.
Not a threat.
Not yet.
You recently stroked a girl's arm, and when she told you she didn't like it, you answered: "But I do."
I wonder, when will you learn this isn't OK? That you can't just throw your bony body into softer ones and claim, "I don't know why I did that."
7) Your mind is a map, holding street names, numbers, and facts. You miss social cues but can direct traffic around our neighborhood, giving precise directions to lost souls.
You love HGTV, shows with names like Flip or Flop, Love It or List It and House Hunters--your vocabulary includes terms such as: popcorn ceilings, granite countertops, list price, and kitchen island.
(This fall, you walked into a teacher and colleague's kitchen and said, "Don't you think that refridgerator is dated?")
When someone comes to our house for the first time, you point out not just the kitchen and your bedroom but our furnace and washing machines.
You could be a tour guide, an architect, a greeter, a map maker, you could design your own home or live with us till we pass.
8) When you fall, and boy, do you fall, if unhurt, you usually laugh and say things like:
"That hole just up and grabbed me."
"Well, that was unexpected."
"I just got rocked." (Or hosed, floored, walled, doored, treed...)
"I didn't do that, the chair did."
If hurt, you swing your hand to maim whoever responds, and don't answer when asked, "Are you OK?"
You amass bruises and scrapes that mark your body like resilience tattoos, that don't wash of in the bathtub, where you still let me, your Mama, wash your hair.
"Lie back," I say as I help you bend your legs and move your growing body down till your head reaches the side of the tub. I scoop water onto your hair, thick like your Dad's and the same dirty blonde as mine when I was a younger girl.
I cup the warm water with both hands, release it slowly onto your forehead, careful to direct the water away from your glacial eyes.
I wonder if this is how it will always be, you laying down, with me on my knees.
This so reminds me of Toby at 11 - Toby is still affectionate and huggy (though he has stopped unwanted affection towards peers).
This sentence resonates so so so clearly: You could be a tour guide, an architect, a greeter, a map maker, you could design your own home or live with us till we pass.
That about sums it up - we just don't know, and it's full of wonder.
Posted by: Sara | 05/20/2015 at 09:12 AM
"New this year, you also want to hug a few of your female classmates, especially the nice pretty ones." -- oy, I hadn't thought about that challenge. That will be tricky to navigate, won't it? Do you know some parents of older kids with similar-ish issues to Elias who can tell you what it was like for them?
Love the photo!
Posted by: Tabatha | 05/20/2015 at 10:00 AM
Wow what a great picture of the two of them.
Whatever you do, never stop writing!!
xox
Posted by: Noel Dennehy | 05/22/2015 at 04:11 PM
Thank you Sara for sharing about Toby. Tabatha, I do have some friends with older kids who have promised he will learn not to hug/touch everyone, and I sure hope so. Its hard b/c those of us who interact with him all the time are use to him leaning/touching etc and now i find myslef remining him about my personal space more in hopes he will translate it to others. But I'm, Mom:)
And yes, Noel, I'll keep writing...
Posted by: Christy | 05/29/2015 at 08:26 AM