Put me outside with the ice and the snow, a slope perhaps, or a wind glazed lake or frozen puddle, and my childhood smile emerges, solace for my bruised soul.
Especially with Nick by my side, like on Cody Pass, all those years ago, when we fell in love post-holing up a mountainside, long before we knew anything about Medicaid waivers or Individualized Educational Plans, long before we knew our greatest test would come not in the form of an unreachable peak, but in our bond to a tiny baby turned preteen, damaged, with a brazen will, iron grit, velvet charm, a laugh that captures my heart every time he falls.
We had two nights away from Elias, with Olive and new friends in a back country yurt, we skied from the road to the huts with all we needed in packs and sleds. Elias stayed with grandparents as we played at the base of Manitoba Mountain. Olive's first non-resort skiing-- in single digit temperatures, her warrior-self proved true.
The air warmed the higher we climbed, and we stripped off layers as we came out of the woods to the sunshine of the open meadow below the rise.
With two young girls our ascent would stop here, far below the gentle peak, even so, I was all smiles.
Most of the time I wear a coat of stress, stitched during hours of waiting in medical offices for specialists to tell me nothing new, sewn during months of filling out forms to prove my son is disabled enough to deserve assistance, years of wondering if we are doing enough, if I am enough, if he is enough, broken but whole.
Sometimes I just need to strap a pair of skis on my back and climb, or lace up my well-worn skates and join a pick up game of hockey on Second Lake on an unexpected afternoon.
Leave my frayed coat at home for an hour, for a couple of days, be a kid again, and play.
Yahoo! Have you read Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey? Loved it. If not, ya gotta.
Posted by: Greta | 01/10/2017 at 06:55 AM
Loved Snow Child too! Her second book is suppose to be really good as well. We just got it for Xmas but haven't started it yet.
Posted by: Christy | 01/10/2017 at 08:12 AM
Fantastic to see you relaxed and happy!
Posted by: danielle | 01/11/2017 at 01:31 AM
You really do look happy and relaxed!
Posted by: Toni | 01/11/2017 at 10:59 AM
Your smile says it all!
Posted by: fleming | 01/11/2017 at 01:09 PM