From my journal yesterday:
There is a quiet that comes with birthdays as we age. Less outward celebration and more of an inner dialogue that catalogues years lived alongside the dreams for years left. A grounding of acceptance and longing mixed with memory. Less balloons and more solitude.
A walk on the beach this morning during the break in the rain, just me and my Border Collies, raven and magpie, driftwood and mussels shells. I watched saltwater snake its way up the dry creak bed as the tide rose, watched the clouds regroup and overtake the small patch of blue, watched a sea lion who poked his head above water to watch me.
Before my walk, I spent two hours reading "To The Bright Edge of the World", by Eowyn Ivey, so immersed in her story, as I wondered the woods of Tonsina Creek, in this snowless above freezing winter, I thought it was April, as it was in the book, and not January.
Even on my birthday, I forgot for a moment the season, the specific day.
Neither child remembered my birthday this morning, though they both remembered that according to Olive’s daily calendar January 16th is National Nothing Day.
“Its National Nothing Day,” Olive said, as she came downstairs, not a word about my birthday till Nick whispered in her ear.
Elias clomped downstairs soon after and said, “Today is National Nothing Day!”
Again Nick reminded him that it also happened to be his Mom’s birthday.
On the days leading up to the day of my birth, Olive enjoyed chiding me about my holiday of nothing. “Mom’s birthday is on National Nothing day!” she would say with a cocky grin.
“You like rubbing that in,” I’d reply.
What neither kid realized, is the moment Nick ushered them out the door for school on my birthday, I planned to climb back in bed with my coffee and Ivey’s imaginative tale, thrilled to do "nothing” after a long weekend that included a women’s hockey tournament in Homer, four games in three days, with a costume dance party, and to cap the weekend, a fat bike ride on Monday afternoon with Nick along Exit Glacier River bed.
Yes, I can commit to nothing. No guilt about reading in bed, no expectations as I turn forty-five years young. If the rain hadn't stopped and that small blue hole grown across the sky, I might have stayed in bed all day.
After my beach walk, I met Nick in town for lunch at the Cookery and then returned to the pages of my book, as the rain returned to Lowell Point.
And now I write.
The kids just came home and Olive asked, “What did you do for your birthday Mom?”
“Nothing. Remember, its National Do Nothing Day.”
“Really? You did nothing all day?”
“Yep.”
“But you're writing right now. That’s not nothing.”
This makes me smile. "You're always doing something, Mom!"
“You're right. I read and walked and wrote and had lunch with your Dad today.”
Not nothing at all.
A perfect birthday.
Topped off with dinner at Woody’s with my family, including Cuzuncle David, a hot tub with the kids as Nick made chocolate moose from scratch, served to me with candles for a wish.
And then back to bed where the day began, with a good book to read, and the man I love beside me.
Can’t ask for more.
PERFECT DAY- ESPECIALLY THE ENDING!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Posted by: Noel G Dennehy | 01/17/2018 at 04:56 PM
Unhappiest next year to you! I hope you get to continue doing nothing...
Posted by: Traci Shimel | 01/18/2018 at 05:18 AM
Happy Birthday young woman! I remember freshman year when I first realized that my roommate was an entire year younger than me, but shared a birthday month and how we all laughed at how young she was until you came in and told us that you were even younger! No wonder we had so much to learn in just 4 short years. Sounds like you had the perfect birthday.
Posted by: Fleming | 01/18/2018 at 09:46 AM
Sounds like a perfect birthday!
Posted by: Toni | 01/18/2018 at 10:09 AM
That first paragraph would be perfect on a birthday card with the photo of your candled celebration. I would love to send that to friends with your quote. Your writing is always enriching, like a delicious menu. Happy Birthday !
Posted by: mae ann smith | 01/18/2018 at 10:13 AM
Less balloons and more solitude...love this as it is so true.
Posted by: Valerie Demming | 01/18/2018 at 01:02 PM
Happy belated birthday, Christy! That sounds like a perfect day to me!!
Posted by: Candi | 01/18/2018 at 05:08 PM
Feeling so loved by you all even if it took me a few days to respond. Thanks for your kind words and for being part of my virtual community. Cheers!!!
Posted by: Christy | 01/24/2018 at 06:12 PM